Adventures with Him

Adventure Log - NIE Sem 2 Week 4

2012-02-04T14:49:00.004+08:00

Highlights:
- dinner with ziing @ raffles city
- GESL presentation
- NIECU on 1 Cor 11 (The Lord's Supper)
- Lunch with Reuben @ Serangoon
- Dinner at Ps Sam's house with Ps Sam and Yew Yi
- Visit to Science Centre with Jingda
- Dinner with Physics Friends

Reflections:
Had a good week of meeting people. Part of efforts to intentionally spend time with people. Glad that there was opportunity to catch up with ziing and reuben. nice also to be attending NIECU again. feels like being fed after having been starving for a long time. nice to hear God's word being preached faithfully. somewhere deep within me knows this is what the message was intended.

The GESL presentation gave a nostalgic feeling. Wow, we have come so far since we started out as strangers. the project, the challenges, the friendship. all of us felt we did something worthwhile. really thankful to God for giving me such an amazing group of 'onz' members.

Was discussing the church camp direction at Ps Sam's house. was reminded by God to listen and support the "Fathers" in our church. as a kid who once served in student ministry and exposed to various churches, it was really hard to listen and exhibit patience. in my honest opinion, the discussion didn't really go far but instead brought to surface many other issues. we all came with our experiences, perception and expectations of what the church should be doing. was the discussion fruitful? well i have sat through many ministry meetings in CF before and i felt it could have been more structured. the reality is that we are not the same page as to why we exist as a church. felt we all carried many baggage into the discussion. trusting in God to lead the way. I must remember I am asked to support them.

an impromptu visit to science centre's gift shop with jingda. it's nice to be spontaneous at times :)

the week had been xiong with maths microteaching and physics test construction to submit. it was so much harder than expected!

Adventure Log - NIE Sem 2 Week 3

2012-01-28T13:21:00.001+08:00

Highlights:
- CNY. went to Cousin Charles hse
- practicum briefing
- release of practicum results
- interview with caroline
- j21 prayer @ acs clocktower
- sabbath @ st andrew cathedral
- steamboat & ziluo hse

Reflections:
fresh on my mind is today's sabbath time. excited to be invited to e j21 prayer though it was rather painful waking up so early to reach acs barker at 7:30am. encouraged by e gathering, e worship, the sharings and the prayers. felt a bit awkward there not knowing anyone and going alone. key takeaways were how God used simple secondary sch boys who hungered for God 40 years ago, the sharing about putting on e robe of rags. wearing humility & brokenness.

part two was unexpected. was tired but felt led to get off at city hall to spend some time prayin at st andrew cathedral. prayed thru a lot of things. personal, living stones, church, going to changkat. then took a stroll around e marina bay area. it was a nice walk enjoying the urban green scenery. indeed, without the artistic designers, e urban city wld have been really ugly! it was nice also to observe the tourists around. interesting to be e local while walking among e tourists.

Adventure Log - NIE Sem 2 Week 2

2012-01-26T18:34:00.003+08:00

Highlights:
- met God to reopen past disappointments and hurts
- Burning Hearts prayer meeting @ Kum Yan Methodist
- BLC last prayer meeting

*I am 5 days late in writing this

Reflections:
Strange line up of events. havent heard from Ziing in a while. She recommended a prayer meeting and I went. a time of meeting God. being called to respond and to take action. my first altar call response (i am not from charismatic background) that i knew the message and call from God is so clear. excited but afraid if I am able to be faithful to it.

Was reading Harry Potter as part of my leisure and sabbath rest. A line by Dumbledore caught my attention. In the chapter of the last book when the truth about Snape is revealed,Dumbledore asked Snape "Are you tempted to join [Voldermort]?"
"No, I am not such a coward, " said Snape.
"No," agreed Dumbledore. "You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon....?"

It set me thinking. In learning about education, this issue is very real. Are we streaming kids too early and indirectly deciding their future for them? Of course the whole issue is more complex. Would Snape have turned out differently if he was sorted into Gryffindor where Lily was rather than Slytherin where his friends fancied the dark arts?

There are many assumptions in my previous statement. ah well, too much brainpower for now.

Adventure Log - NIE Sem 2 Week 1

2012-01-15T19:53:00.003+08:00

Highlights:
- two hours traveling to NIE
- met lisman & fiona to discuss NIECF plans
- visited johanna's mum @ nursing home
- went national library to find straits times articles
- gordon smith talk on "vocational calling in a busy city"
- boardgames with joeyee, shan shan, kelly
- neil & liz house warming
- Miah's wedding
- met ex-loyang sec student on bus
- IBS discussion @ ziluo's house

Reflections:
Back to school. The two-hour journeys stood out. There were lots of time to read. Feeling ambitious wanting to finish readings amongst other books. Praying I may spend my MRT time in fruitful reading.

It was heart-warming to see my exco again. Nice that we met to visit johanna's mum. made e gathering meaningful in ways. pam went for an interview for MOE, johanna got a job at OBS, grace overwhelmed with work (now attached), jerry started work with Care Channels, zoey grad and working on her research area... life moved on for all of us. transiting in life, busy with work, discovering our paths that God set before us. it's always nice to catch up and see old friends. i met up with jo, shumms, yc, eugene last week. it was a time of sharing (encouragement to hear what jo and yc does!) and prayer. met up with lester's exco at liz's house. a time of catching up with paul & jasmine's plan to go africa as missionaries for a year. we talked on a range of topics: heaven, ghosts, casting out demons, etc. different groups have different dynamics. somehow i hope eventually my busy exco might find our gatherings a place of rest and encouragement.

meeting the ex-student on the bus was totally unexpected. his tone when talking to me was rather gangster-ish. i found myself tensed up and careful in the questions and comments i made. gathered from him he failed his maths and going to ITE accounting course. wished i could have gave some encouragement (not letting this failure affect him) or shared some perspective about ITE. when we were about to get off, he gave a passing remark "pls look away" as he took out his packet of cigarettes. he know he is underaged. i tried to sound as casual (not breaking the rapport) and asked why he don't want to quit. sadly, we ran out of time and i had to get off the bus. shared my short encounter with some close friends. i really wondered what the future of this kid would be like. gloria and sarah reminded me that i shld cont to be sensitive to the lives of my students in the future. joeyee replied smth i didn't expect, "oh man, invite him to church!" when told him i don't have his contact but knows he stays near me, she said,"hang around ur hse and find him!" Pleasantly surprised and reminded of our primary role of bringing people closer to God. :)

2011-12-28T01:52:00.001+08:00

hello :)
i am jillian!

A Loving Father

2011-11-26T13:34:00.001+08:00

was sharing the gospel to my mum last night over my bro's 21st day dinner.

she asked what's e pt of believing and being so "into" religion. i just found my answer in an analogy of a loving father.

like an orphan having to fight for his survival, we wun dare to let go and trust our own strength.

but if a child has a loving father who doesnt abandon but can be (and proven) to be trusted, the child can let go completely knowing he is well taken care of. that's what knowing the heavenly Father is like :)

The place where Christ died

2011-11-17T11:21:00.001+08:00

The cross must be raised again at the center of the marketplace as well as on the steeple of the church. I am claiming that Jesus was not crucified in a cathedral between two candles, but on a cross between two thieves; on the town garbage heap, at a crossroads so cosmopolitan they had to write His title in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek. At the kind of place where cynics talk smut, and thieves curse, and soldiers gamble, because that is where He died and that is what he died about and that is where churchmen ought to be and what churchmen should be about.

- George McLeod

Our Nomadic Existence: How Electronic Culture Shapes Community

2011-10-20T11:15:00.002+08:00

http://www.qideas.org/essays/our-nomadic-existence-how-electronic-culture-shapes-community.aspx

an amazing commentary on our electronic culture and its effects on our community. many interesting insights (:

Student Leadership

2011-10-13T18:35:00.003+08:00

http://vinothramachandra.wordpress.com/2011/09/30/student-leadership/

Camila Vallejo is 23. Inspired by her courage to take on the whole education and political system of Chile. It's a good reminder to ask myself:

"What am I doing as a NIE pdge student?"

Taking SG Education for Granted?

2011-09-26T21:00:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we complain a lot. Sometimes we fail to appreciate what we already have.

Trashed

2011-09-26T19:42:00.002+08:00

happen to read about EARC in Perspectives. the exposition on Haggai reminded me of the commitment i made to the Lord: to remove all pirated stuff from my comp. it was a step moving away from structural sin. just because everyone does it doesn't mean it is right. just because the whole Intellectual Property issue has loopholes doesn't justify my actions either. it was about me. about how i cling onto these music and videos that i felt were a part of me. because letting go was difficult, i knew i have held it more tightly than i should.

i reasoned with God by removing all the content i did not buy and were made for commercial sale onto my hard disk. a first step i thought. God seemed to have agreed. but 3 months down the road, the Lord reminded me and said it is time to let go completely. i reviewed all the music/videos, looking through one last time, hoping there's a few more audio or videos I get to keep. then, the trash is emptied. interesting double meaning. how apt.

Where is the Church?

2011-09-17T20:35:00.003+08:00

Our Christian habit is to bewail the world’s deteriorating standards with an air of rather self-righteous dismay. We criticize its violence, dishonesty, immorality, disregard for human life, and materialistic greed.

“The world is going down the drain,” we say with a shrug. But whose fault is it? Who is to blame? Let me put it like this. If the house is dark when nightfall comes, there is no sense in blaming the house; that is what happens when the sun goes down. The question to ask is “where is theÂ light?” Similarly, if the meat goes bad and becomes inedible, there is no sense blaming the meat; that is what happens when bacteria are left alone to breed. The question to ask is “where is the salt?”

Just so, if society deteriorates and its standards decline until it becomes like a dark night or a stinking fish, there is no sense blaming society; that’s what happens when fallen men and women are left to themselves, and human selfishness is unchecked. The question to ask is “where is the Church? Why are the salt and light of Jesus Christ not permeating and changing our society?”

- John Stott

Aspiring to Inspire

2011-08-20T19:23:00.002+08:00

"Looking ahead to the many more days, I'm not naive now to wish that everyday has to be a "good" one. Yet I never want to subscribe to the 'just scrape through each day will do' attitude. I want to strive to make lots more "good" days and value the "bad" ones for the lessons they teach. I want to keep aspiring to inspire."
- Renee Yuanna Sulaiman, Teaching is Heartwork.

Returning to Blogging...

2011-08-20T19:13:00.000+08:00

After silence for 8 months, I found reasons to return to blogging. One, I need a place to sort out my thoughts and reflections, a place for me to step back from my busyness and look at my life with a bigger scope. The road ahead as a Teacher is not going to be a smooth ride. I am worried of losing myself in the pressures and expectations imposed by myself and my surrounding.

Two. This is a response to the plenary session on Technology during EARC. We can't discount social media totally because of its negative points. The first step to redeem is to help supply meaningful and well-thought through writings and reflections against the sea of random and superficial comments of everyday activities. I found this really striking a chord when my facebook note of my reflections on education became a good read for many. If people are going to spend time on facebook, why not share meaningful stuff through this channel? Of course I would keep my general reflections to this blog and only post those reflections which are of better quality on facebook.

yep that's it for now. more to come =)

The End of Blogging - Returning to Written Diary =)

2011-03-04T11:09:00.001+08:00

There are much restrictions to what I can post up here. Hearing from my law friends, people can dig up stuff and quote me out of context. Since I am entering civil service as a teacher, it is better I take down my blog.

Blogs can't replace personal meet ups and chatting. I have grown to appreciate that over my final year as a leader. So feel free to drop me a call or sms and I can share all about what God is doing and His goodness =)

The Battle gets weary

2011-01-28T23:35:00.001+08:00

Week 3 into e battle. the echoes of e battlecry "for aslan! for narnia!" at e start of e sem now slowly fades into a whisper..

this is e reality. sch life is draining. moving from one activity to another, it is very easy to get lost in the doing and forget abt e being.

semester 2. the initial exhilaration of taking the charge and leading the fight has faded. I look around and I see weary faces and battered souls, wishing the battle to be over and pass it on to others..

to e concerned commanders on e ground, they feel frustrated at the lack of clarity and direction where our whole army is heading and if we are advancing at all..

as their leader, I look and wonder.. I have every reason to be discouraged.. my own battles are tiresome and weary.. the rest time I have is short-lived and there's a constant demand for me to evaluate, think thru abd know "what's next".

it is very easy to lose sight of God in the battle. here's where I am grateful for God disciplining me to set aside time with Him each night. here I draw strength.. here I remember "The Battle is the Lord's"

i desire to encourage e leaders not to lose heart. I desire they are clear where we are going and convicted to stand firm and fight.. I shared my desires with God.. He hears and understand.. after all we are all His people.. :)

LCS Youth Leaders Retreat

2011-01-23T21:34:00.001+08:00

the week leading up to e retreat was rather tough. emotional ups and downs. spending time with ppl. helping Chun Keat with some fishing at pasir ris (his research project). a sudden overwhelmed-with-work feeling which hit on wed & thurs. a great time of prayer and sorting out admin with Jerry on thurs night. I have my vulnerable moments. but I am glad I have a faithful God.

going for e retreat meant I have a whole weekend less to do my work. to trust that there will be time for everything wasn't easy. still have to figure out my fyp computing code. isaiah lesson plan to prep. vcf ministry to think thru.

but e retreat was amazing. a camp I enjoyed thoroughly. e youth leaders from e other churches were mostly strangers to me. but their warmth, enthusiasm and passion were energizing. it was nice to sing praises, pray, share and have lots of nonsense together :) we ecen had a campfire! really miss having one.. strangely, within one day, I felt at home with them.

I slowly begin to see how God is opening doors and connections for me to transfer my exp and skills in vcf to support and help my local church..

interesting times lies ahead!

a letter to God

2011-01-15T22:34:00.002+08:00

Dear God,
thanks for an inspiring movie.appreciate this simple child-like thought of writing a letter to you. it's nice meet You here again at our usual hangout place. thx for e sweet scents from e trees. the scents make this place special. :)

a very eventful week has passed. a very impt one for both You and me. I never really read up abt fasting and always thought I am too skinny to even bother. Your challenge really exposed my indulgence on food like a spoilt child, exposed how I struggled to trust You that You would look after me and keep me healthy even as I fasted one meal a day. u knew why I chose to fast. You know e struggles I am going thru. hear e prayers that I cried out. may Your name be glorified thru my situations.

God, I am very thankful for an encouraging Friday night. the chance to meet old friends, hear from godly men, and just being able to serve and enjoy serving. however, we both know participating in Your work is not always so enjoyable. lately I found it tough to lead vcf. I really wished I knew where we are going for this second semester. I wish things were clearer. we are all willing servants, ready to challenge ourselves and fight for Your glory on campus. yet it feels that e toughest part is to identify what battles to take on. it seems also everything feels so big and impossible. feels like our efforts are insignificant...

yet I remember You and Your ways. they are higher than mine. You will see through this ministry. give us e wisdom to follow thru what we have become convinced of. let us really make a difference that we may truly be effective salt and light for You.

tired. still feel unready for e sem. still unsettled with things. but hopeful. eager to see what You will be doing :)

good night God. see u tmr

Your servant,
Peng

consumers are confused and easily manipulated.

2011-01-12T11:32:00.000+08:00

i love hearing from reuben and what he learns about marketing. yest he was talking about the marketing strategies and how they play subtly without the consumers knowing. their objectives is to get us as consumers to spend our money. and their techniques are rather sly and cunning.

1. at fast food restaurants, ppl usually ask if u wanna upsize. chances are you feel it is more "worthwhile" to upsize since u just need to pay a bit more for more food. however, usually for girls, they just can't finish e food anyway. so in a sense, they are spending 50cents more for the food they don't need. hence the disparity between the actual cost value and the perceived value of the consumer.

2. at electronic stores, they always have a range of televisions. those that costs crazily expensive at $10k plus. you might think who will buy those? that's their plan. their revenue doesn't come from there. it serves as a illusion. eg. u have a choice btw a 10 inch, 20 inch and 40inch TV. most consumers prefer the middle. they dun want to buy the most expensive or the most cheap. (only smarter consumers think about what they need, discern their budget and not compare what's on display). so they will get the 20 inch. however, if we put a 80 inch on sale as well. ppl will think 40 inch isn;t that expensive, so the sales for it will increase. they call it the goldilocks theory.

sadly, consumers are not educated and fall prey to all these schemes. reminds me of the movie "The Matrix". how we are deceived to think we have more freedom than we really do.

i am thankful for vcf's direction to be talking about faith and academics. it gave me a chance to move beyond my major and see the different academics fields and hear what is being taught. =)

unity among the student ministries =)

2011-01-12T11:20:00.000+08:00

shu may (chairperson of campus crusade - arts), eugene (chairperson of nav), joanna (chairperson of crusade - sci) and I met for lunch and a short time of fellowship. a great time of hearing from each other about their plans for their ministries and to see what God is doing on our campus...

i am glad that our friendship goes beyond a "working relationship" but rather friends who are like-minded to serve Christ together..

Adventure Log - AnnTIC @ Genting

2011-01-12T11:17:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
Day 1
- playing Ukulele @ bridge to City Square Mall with Guang Rong
- praying on e bus
- crazy time on e bus with Reuben, Jerry, Pris.. then more ppl joined our bus
- "toilet fellowship" among some guys
- 1st GL/BSL debrief and exco meeting

Reflections:
Too many things happening in December and I found myself having a lot of backlog for my reflections again... Oh well... maybe when i have the time to sit and write everything out...

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Exam Week

2010-11-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- Mon: Studying in Sci Library, Paul & Jasmine's Wedding Dinner
- Tue: Study
- Wed: Study
- Thurs: Study, meet prof
- Fri: Study, meet prof
- Sat: Study, ChristmaSING
- Sun: I DIDN"T STUDY!!, sent bai shuo off

Reflections:
i think my weeks has never been so simple (since a long long time!) wake up, breakfast, study, lunch, study, dinner, study, go back, facebook, emails, sleep. next day repeat...

it was grueling. halfway thru i could sense myself questioning purpose, feeling weary, and learning to handle emotions.

it was peaceful. without distractions, i am spared to simply read up, learn and enjoy learning. i caught up on many lectures, concepts. actually i dun mind going to the library to just read =) just probably not for the whole week! haha

have other reflections but just go to sleep....

an unexpected visit to e airport

2010-11-28T22:56:00.001+08:00

strange to find myself rushing to e airport on a sun night 10pm.. 3 days just before 2 final exams, after a long day.. as I travelled here, a sense of familiarity, a sense of remembering what it was like to be traveling and on an adventure as I looked at ppl with luggage..

I came to see a fren off. was not really close to him but enough to come...

mugging whole day.... for days...

2010-11-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

after going around too much and feeling distracted last week, i thought it is time i settle down with a routine and focus on my revision. i have covered quite a bit over the past 3 days. not sure how much will pay off but i found myself experiencing different feelings as i study.

the guilt feeling is rather strong. the recurring haunting thought of maybe i should have done my tutorials and kept up with my lectures... the second feeling is emo-ness.. i disciplined myself to study from morning till night. very uneventful. and after 3 days straight, i begin to feel a lost of purpose. wondering why i am doing this...

this reading week goes both ways. a dungeon or a haven. dungeon if u feel like being forced to study. haven cos this is the only time in my whole year i have the excuse to not be bothered by so many other things to sit and study. it can be quite a wonderful thought actually....

my 2nd last exam is coming to an end soon.. mixed feelings.. =x

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Reading Week

2010-11-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- meeting with people! (k3nny, shuk yi, hall leaders, ziying, jia en, grace koh, lester, jerry & samantha, eugene)
- sarah bday bbq
- talk by Ajarn Brahm organised by buddhist society
- Robin & Samantha's wedding
- Paul & Jasmine's wedding

Reflections:
"How was my reading week?" it is very easy to assume that the measure we use is the amount of studying we get done. if that's the measure, then my reading week has been pretty slack. but yet i have learnt so much from this week. the not so people-oriented me had a record-number of meeting people this past week (both planned and unexpected meetings). the Lord is growing me to learn to love those around me, to be concerned, to pray and to enjoy being with people... i guess there should be a time for everything. my constant prayer is that i know when to be disciplined to study. i guess this week is the week i need to get serious!

there are a lot of reflections from each meeting. but i guess i would leave with a few videos that really caught my attention (recommended by tingyu). Christian rap. never heard of it until last night. i am someone who appreciates meaningful lyrics. so it was really exciting for me as i listened to it =) u need to check out the lyrics!

Lecrae - Don't Waste Your Life

Lecrae - Praying for you

It got me thinking... how are we reaching out to the culture we are in today? what gifts, what relevance do we have?

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week 13

2010-11-14T19:37:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- lunch with qi xiang
- supper with jerry, qi xiang and john chen
- exco meeting at munchy monkey
- IFG nepalese restaurant outing
- lunch with dao lin
- consultation with prof murrey
- thai 4 final lesson, oral, eat at thai restaurant
- ke7 exam blessing
- chat with ke7 cleaner uncle (GH block)
- meeting with zhi hao
- christmaSING!
- janelle's 21st bday

Reflections:
there were a lot of opportunity to be talking to people this week, whether it was an arranged lunch or just happen that the opportunity arises. a range of topics too! sharing about vcf with qi xiang, discussion on evangelism with john chen, just chatting with sho (a jap exchange student) and GH block cleaner uncle, sharing of ministry and life with grace koh, sharing of lives with zhi hao, and a unpleasant consultation with my prof. i think i have never been so relational! not just starting conversations with strangers, but also sincerely sharing personal thoughts and listening to others. i always had the impression i weren't that kind of person but with God's help i grew into it. Now i enjoy these moments and God helped me to treasure every relationship that comes my way. but now because i gathered so much experience and reflections, i tend to talk a bit too much (cos there is really so much to be excited about!)

throughout this semester, i never faced a situation where i had to rush to meet a deadline. that's God's grace to me this sem as undeserving as I am. a relax fyp, modules without much workload. that freed me to be putting my efforts into vcf and being with people. but my first crunch came on thursday. it was a horrible feeling and humbling as well. i kinda irritated my prof for not seeming to understand anything from the lectures and not telling him from the start. i struggled and wondered maybe i could have put in more effort into this module. somehow on hindside you always see things clearer. i seriously pondered if God could send me back in time and relive this sem again! there was this tempting thought to blame it on the prof for not being a good lecturer, not having notes and simply not being clear with his presentations... but i know that wasn't an option for me to consider. i didn't know what to do. i could continue to try figure things out by myself but there's a limit to how much that can help. i was also considering what kind of response would be Christ-like. i wonder if i have been a bad testimony for not being clever enough or hardworking enough... as i asked friends to pray, things turned out better. the deadline for the assignment was postponed and Prof went thru the questions with us in class..

it is interesting to know the Lord of the Universe and yet be so afraid of not understanding my physics lectures. i have been greatly humbled. i think i need to buck up and be serious with my revision for this week! the greatest struggle is to study while holding in tension the discussion about exams i had recently....

my first post from my iPhone :)

2010-11-14T10:14:00.001+08:00

with this app, I think I can be blogging more often :) yay!!

today's idea in Take A Knee is interesting. (Thank God for it!) instead of just reflecting on what happened over the past week, we get to reflect and consider the people that we interacted with for each day over the past week. then consider what God might be teaching us and how we can pray for them. hopefully, this would help us to consider others rather than always just abt ourselves :) if we take time to pray for the people we meet, I am sure God would really turn our world "upside down" changing both ourselves and the people we pray for.. now that's what His kingdom come is about!

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week 12

2010-11-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- exco + huiyi meeting at al ameen (prep for ft#4)
- FT#4
- fyp help from zhi feng
- filming for Thai project
- policy face-off forum
- meeting with joni
- KE photoshoot
- study with limin&joeyee, then with shufen
- the Social Network with vcfers
- gcube retreat
- casino prayerwalk with shufen's mission team

Reflections:
Need to post this before i do any other thing. i am really having a very slack semester. haven't really been studying for the whole of week 12. mainly cos my fyp is doing well, not much to do now. i am storing up a lot of backlog for my 2 physics module and 1 maths mod. there is no 2nd quiz so i just need to prep for exam from here onwards. scary. so much catching up to do =x after so much talk about being faithful in studying, questioning why i am striving (if i am).. now i am scared again if i might really get bad results for my lack of studying! can't figure out if this worrying is due to old patterns or simply my conscience telling me it is time to get serious with school work...

FT#4 has been amazing. shall not talk more about that.

been really encouraged by Dr Pauline Straughan during the policy debate. i am glad we have capable and excelling leaders like this in the government. bringing family values back to a economic-driven society.

then the topic of casino. it started with shufen doing her sociology essay on it. then i happen to be around so i joined them for prayer walk. then i read the newspaper special edition on the people in the casinos. the stories are scary and sad. the addiction is real. the effects are real. lives had been broken. many wished the casinos never came to our shores. for me now a uni student, it is easy to be apathetic. after reading and finding out more, i find it difficult to remain so.

an exciting week ahead. intentionally meeting different cfers for lunch. i'm not a person good with people but growing to appreciate ppl and relationships more. see how it goes =)

Fellowship Teaching #4 - It's all about You. Eat.Use.Mug.Exams

2010-11-01T23:11:00.000+08:00

O Lord, how can I ever stop praising Your Name? Your faithfulness and blessings has truly overwhelmed your servant. It is my privilege to be part of Your ministry on campus. despite facing scarcity in time and mountainous schoolwork, You have empowered Your servants to prepare FT#4 for Your people. We are amazed how You facilitated every preparation leading up to tonight.

Tonight I am filled with excitement and anticipation at what You will be doing tmr night. Challenging mindsets are a task far too great for us yet You wanted us to do it. Fully student-led and student run, tmr's FT will be a first in many things. our first time having it in a hall. our first having a plenary style FT.

O Lord, we pray and ask You prepare and moves hearts as we await for tmr night... Grant us all the conviction that comes only from You, the clarity to observe ourselves, the wisdom to apply Your truth and the boldness to live lives that brings glory to Your name!

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week 11

2010-11-01T23:00:00.000+08:00

Highlights:

- exco meeting @ burger king

- ke7 cg on exams

- CEP meeting with religious group student leaders

- VCF Membership Class led by Reuben

- Archi vcf & YAH supper. visit archi studios

- cvcf membership class

- Loy Krathong

- Gcube (modern enlightenment)

- Reformation Festival

Reflections:

Encouraged. It is amazing what students can do. the passion, the energy, the willingness. God can take these raw materials and turn it into something beautiful. inexperience and inadequacy doesn't hinder us. as we move, we grow in our understanding and maturity in God; we make lasting impact on ourselves, others and the future of this society. it was really nice to hear fellow students share their heart for the ministry. i get the chance to also visit architecture. the number of students staying back was unbelievable! most students stay back to rush their models and assignments. at 12-midnight i see more than 50 students still around in the studios! the christians in archi bought pizza and shared with their coursemates. a simple jesture of love and encouragement. but it was eye-opening for me to be in the studios myself. never knew this part of NUS existed! attended cvcf's membership as well. nice to be talking to them. jian mien is encouraging as well =D

i think the past week might be one of the most valuable weeks as i serve in vcf. i am even more convinced of seizing the moment and doing the things that truly matter!

a twist of events...

2010-10-23T23:38:00.001+08:00

how to use minimum words to capture all my emotions...?

found out she is attached. strange that i found out from the ppl who kaypoh-ed my blog. God has a sense of humour at times. my heart sank. found myself in a position so familiar. my mind consoles me by getting me to recall the faithfulness of God but my heart is still wrestling with my emotions. i took the step to confirm with her and then she mentioned about him.

i spent the day preparing for cg, doing my fyp. even while i was teaching during cg, it was hard to put aside e feelings. i accidently missed my bus stop when coming home, walked to a very familiar park. the Lord led me to this beautiful broadwalk. i stopped and i waited upon the Lord. i knew only God can help me. i had many questions. i really thought this is it.

the Lord comforted and showed me how much i have been blessed. He pointed out smth very interesting. my sadness was rooted in how i couldn't have her for myself. why can't i rejoice that i get to meet and be inspired by such a passionate young lady. why can't i rejoice that i met another sister that is fervently after God's heart and brings glory to God? like the beautiful rainbows i saw in hawaii. dun be so caught up in trying to capture it but simply enjoy it with the rest who looks to the sky. everything in His time.

as I waited upon the Lord, i felt like jonah in his fourth chapter. complaining. but i found peace. the wrestling in my heart stopped. then, the Lord lifted my eyes to the challenges in the near future and reminded me of certain promises. it's becoming more clear that He is preparing me..

*no comments on this post pls. read it. praise God. pray. =)

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week 9

2010-10-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- FT#3 @ Law campus - Martin and Elizabeth Goldsmith
- Exco Meeting on Exams
- Gcube Bible Study on Israel's Mission
- Prayer Meeting
- Supper at Simpang Bedok. Lost my handphone =(
- Gcube on Modern Enlightenment
- NUS Dance Synergy Concert

Reflections:
Losing my handphone can be a real hassle. Initially thought that maybe I can get by without one. I lost more than a phone. I lost my convenience, some impt info, some encouraging messages, some new contacts i added this semester.... it didn't take long to realize how dependent I am on my phone. I don't mind not having one seriously. But i guess it can be quite irresponsible for not being able to send out relevant information and reply when required of me. The Lord showed me how He can provide in amazing ways. After losing my phone, I didn't have to go without a phone for a day. I used my mom's phone on sat and my old phone on sunday onwards. My old phone still worked well =) Interestingly enough, if I hadn't lost my phone, I wouldn't know that by recontracting my dad's mobile plan, I can get an iphone 4 for FREE!

I resisted buying an iphone after discussing how technology has shaped us so much without us realizing it. i dun want iphone to affect me too much. however, if iphone is seen as better than my old phone, i can put a crude analogy and say that God takes away things we treasure so that He can offer us something better. well, not biblical. but it happened to me for my mexico summer prog replaced with a hawaii exchange program. and now it seems my wait for a life partner has similar patterns.

haha, i am blessed to have so many friends concerned (not about the phone...). i bring with me excitement and a smile on my face each time i mention about her. i was thinking what prayer request can i share or simply what is it that truly matters. i say "that may it be our love and devotion towards God and others that attracts us to one another and spur each other on. and that this becomes the foundation if any deeper relationship were to blossom between us" the feeling of uncertainty, anticipation, excitement during this initial period is not unfamiliar. however, i began to realize this period became a time of moulding for me. as if God is digging up all my deep insecurities. I must remember that only in God I can be truly satisfied and secure...

Martin & Elizabeth Goldsmith were inspiring. being advanced in age did not stop them from serving the Lord all around the world. It was interesting that I found the opportunity to be talking to Elizabeth more. She was really friendly. To hear the stories of what's happening around the world, their lives, their work... I was being nosey and asked if it was difficult for her to follow her husband in missionary work. Throughout the whole night, I couldn't detect any negative feeling, tiredness that was shown from these two old folk despite that they arrived in Singapore a day ago and leaving in a few days time. Martin's message was inspiring needless to say. won't be sharing here though...

Okay, back to work. The tendency to feel overwhelmed and wanting to push everything aside to do work is very very tempting. Keeping a clear vision of what is reality and not give myself unnecessary stress. convincing myself it is not about getting things done, but having enough time to do each task and enjoying it... both are challenging but good training =) learning to spend more time waiting upon the Lord each day... a blessed life indeed!

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week 8

2010-10-12T10:15:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- exco meeting at munchy monkey
- hall cbs at ke7
- submit AMP2 take home assignment
- sunset prayer for stephen tong rally
- hui en's visit on tue night
- QM3 mid term
- west wing supper
- stephen tong rally
- ke7 cg
- fyp initial presentation
- SnP leaders chill at esplanade

Reflections:
Busyness. How scary to fall back into the mindset that i don't have time for everything when i really do. Sad that I didn't log a reflection last week...

Week 8 was an intense week. AMP2, QM3 mid term plus fyp presentation. i felt i didn't spend enough time studying. yet it was nice when i got a surprise visit from hui en on tue night before my mid term. spent time to chat, catch up and pray for each other. these are moments i truly value. the next day lucas and i went to julia's room to pray for ke cg and also for each other... that's the nice thing about hall ministry. there's always opportunity to find out how each other is doing.. =)

the stephen tong rally was a big thing for week 8. giving out flyers, coming together to pray, inviting people... God showed how He is in control of situations. when we thought publicity would be compromised when the flyers and posters came in late, God allowed us to rallied enough people that our heavy publicity within the 3 days actually made a greater impact. My friends were all commenting that the publicity was really good. the talk was inspiring in different ways. the fact that dr stephen tong is already 70 years old and still continues to preach. "who wants to listen to a old man talk?" No one unless he speaks and illuminates God's truth to people.

As week 8 ended, a new phase for VCF is beginning. as i planned, i knew things are rather packed but exciting times lie ahead. Discussion about Exams, Lausanne, NC follow up, Council meetings etc... It is really a privilege and exciting to be where the action is.

a walk back to hawaii...

2010-10-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

after watching a movie with zhi hao at E-hub, i took a nice stroll through pasir ris park. needed some time to sort out many thoughts in my head. felt very caught up with many things to-do and emotions. felt like God lead me in my walk tonight. i was planning to think thru how things have been and things to do. but God brought memories of hawaii back. the first memory was the weekend retreat i had before i left hawaii. i was alone. meant for it to prepare myself for ministry. God reminded me of that night i was afraid but still went out to the beach at night to pray. He reminded me of the experiences I had. the things He showed me.

then as i walked thru the bbq pits and the groups of friends and family in pasir ris park, i recalled memories of walking down ala moana beach park with the same scene. ppl are the main characters in ministry (whether on the giving or receiving end) with God being the writer and director. in my desire to wanna be alone with God, i was reminded of my lack of discipline to spend time with people. my engagement with ppl tend to be rather transient. many times i wish it wasn't so. yet i'm not sure how...

just before heading back home, another significant part of the walk was the recalling of certain victories and lessons learnt in hawaii and a prayer to keep these in my heart..

back at home, finding back balance..pulling myself together and brace myself for a tough week ahead..in a sense, with each challenge comes an opportunity to depend on God/learn/grow.. the journey continues.. =)

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week Mid-Sem Break

2010-09-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- almost three full days of mugging
- NUS President's lunch for CCA leaders
- FES National Conference
- Parents' 25th anniversary

Reflections:
One thing kept repeating. migrant workers. (1) I helped out with healthserve last sunday in their mid-autumn festival celebration for chinese migrant workers. (2) I was the station master for the construction station during the integration game in National Conference. Strangely, I was placed into the shoes of the agent who hires construction workers. (3) For our 'field trip' for the conference, we went to serangoon to visit Asia Evangelistic Fellowship, a organisation set up to help indian migrant workers. they had a clinic for them, gave bible studies, assist them in their paperwork and dealings with their agents and MOM (ministry of manpower).

"If you walk in the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn the things you never knew..." (Lyrics from Colours of the Wind) Much of the growth I had recently came largely from opportunity and willingness to humble myself to observe and listen. the oppression is real. the injustice seems to be hidden from us. there are few who are pleading for the cause of these people who have no voice. how come i didn't hear about this before?! no one around me told me about it. i never bothered to find out... it was only when i met friends in social work and being involved a ministry which allows me to be exposed to the reality of society..

My thoughts? i dun want to sound cliche but i won't be able to look at migrant workers the same way as before. it is easy to allow the culture around me to tell me "these people are in this state because they don't have much education. since u have, study hard so u dun have to be like them...." the reality is i dun think they chose the situation they are in. and the harder reality to swallow is, there is no reason why i am here while that migrant worker is there. there is no reason why we didn't swap places.. would i be able to endure the kind of hardship he endures... more importantly, is there anything i can do to help him out?

O Lord, continue to let my heart break for what breaks Yours!

3 days of mid-sem mugging..

2010-09-22T18:51:00.002+08:00

the end of three days of mugging.. feeling rather tired.. really hope the efforts to free up time in week 7 is worth it..

Adventure Log - Year 4 Sem 1 Week 6

2010-09-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- flagpole prayers
- CBS (halls)
- FT#2 by Prof Lockheart
- wed morning prayer with crusade/nav leaders -- went to spinelli after that
- went back to tamp to help Mom with phone and spend time with her
- Mission Board Meeting
- fri morning run
- sunset prayer
- navigators rally
- Gcube
- kite festival
- '大姐' daughter's bday celebration at Carlton
- Healthserve mid-autumn celebration

Reflections:
yes! finally i get to start this again! these weekly reflections are simply too precious to let go...

Healthserve Mid-autumn celebration
It was an awesome night. i went hoping to be a blessing and serve the migrant workers by helping out at the event. (it was an event to celebrate mid-autumn with the chinese migrant workers. we raise funds to sponsor the tables at $300 each so that they can come for free). at the end of the day, i found myself to be so richly blessed. i helped out in a similar event last year called "banquet of honour". that was much bigger scale than this but this time it was special of the few divine appointments and conversations i could have when i was there.

one particular conversation i had was with a chinese migrant worker for about 3 plus years. he accepted and chose to follow Christ about two years ago through the church helping out with healthserve. as we talked, his life slowly became real to me. he shared about how he decided to come Singapore to work, how all of them were cheated by the contract they signed in China which was not recognised here in SG. so they had to sign another one when they came which promised lesser salary. he also shared about how Chinese bosses actually cut their hard-earned money. it's kinda sad that your own countrymen doing this. he shared how singaporean, msian bosses are much nicer. i'm probably not doing justice to the eye-opening conversation i had with him..... truly, if only we humble ourselves to listen and observe, we begin to see and hear a lot more...

the event ended with something i did not expect. after the pastor shared and gave an invitation to all who wanted to allow Christ to change their lives. i have never seen so many hands raised up for Christ! i think it was the same for most of my friends there. doubts began to seep in.. "maybe they dun really understand" but i reminded myself of Luke 15. I won't be the older brother. These people are willing to come to God. we should celebrate!

what a great prologue before National Conference.. there were many things that happened thru my week, but this experience has been rather defining for me... =)

My lifestory continues to unfold...

2010-09-17T11:47:00.000+08:00

My final year as a student. The years in University are really story-worthy. Life has ever since been exciting indeed. When I thought about it, this is it. This is my last year as a student. And as how stories usually progresses, the final installment is where the climax is.

My forth year has been a climax indeed. Each year is filled with its highlights but just when I thought Hawaii was the climax, the four months spent there was merely a build up and preparation for this final lap. The story has been building up. Many things have been amazing and I am overwhelmed by the endless favour I received from the Lord. Good fyp professor, favour in vcf ministry, closer relationship with my family, my parents celebrating their 25th anniversary, a more disciplined lifestyle plus victories to celebrate daily. Not that my response to Him is conditional, but I have every reason to praise Him and offer back my life onto Him.

yet before I came back to SG, i sensed a great challenge that lies in this academic year. Something is looming in the months ahead though I wonder if such a concern is unnecessary. But I can prayerfully say that whatever comes, I will bless the Lord! Anticipating exciting days ahead...

The death of my blog...?

2010-09-16T15:02:00.000+08:00

maybe it is because a lot of people aren't blogging anymore...
maybe it is because facebook is taking over...
maybe i am just too busy to blog anymore..
maybe i haven't really been reflecting lately...

but too many things are happening that i cannot not share about... at the end of the day, i still would love to keep a record of my thoughts and growth thru this exciting final year... let's see i can share a post tonight... =) trying to catch a nap before the lesson...

many things are going well for me.. has been an exciting year indeed!

faith and academics

2010-08-24T09:36:00.000+08:00

it's now only hours before my sharing.. very soon i will be carrying on what i saw jeremiah, lester and grace did when they were once chairperson..

the topic comes with much relevance to a generation where we are so conformed to our culture that we don't see it! the engagement of our faith in our everyday life has been limited to the 'spiritual' side and speaks little to the struggles we face in school.. what will opening this door be like? what will living as Christian Uni Students really look like? what does it mean to be living as His people and bringing His kingdom here?

how will ppl respond to such a msg? only the Holy Spirit can enlighten, convince and convict people... i knew of the reality that we probably only rem 20% of what's mention in lectures and forget it all in a month's time.. but only time will tell how much of this vision will translate into our lives..

stretched... but heart is mixed with excitement and burden...

2010-08-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

nightly meetings with God are getting dry... just feel different in singapore... can't find a nice quiet place without ppl disturbing/walking around...

had a nice chat with jasmine as i went thru my ft#1 slides with her.. i left the meeting feeling inspired, ready to deliver for next tue.. praying for hearts to be prepared and inspired to live out God's calling for us on campus...

tired... falling sick... getting sian having to travel from pasir ris to school everyday... >.< random thoughts... share more maybe next time..

God answers prayers...

2010-08-14T16:07:00.000+08:00

was feeling rather down with things.. it's always good to sit down and pray.. God refreshed me this morning.. thank You God.. it's been trying but I'm glad You were always there....

NUS Rag Day 2010: King Edward VII Hall - KE Soul

2010-08-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

Enjoying my final week before school starts.. GO KE7!!

enjoying the holidays before sch starts

2010-08-02T11:18:00.000+08:00

school is starting!! one more week! =x

some part of me wished i could have spent more time traveling around singapore, enjoying the sights, sounds, events like what i did in hawaii.. i guess i could have.. but my own back-in-singapore mentality of "i got too many things to do" kept putting off some of these plans...

i enjoyed yesterday evening. a very impromptu decision after church -- going to Jean Shen's house to play Starcraft 2. it was a nice 1.5 hours of playing with my bro. relive the times where we played this kind of strategy games together. pitting our skills and fast-thinking against each other. gonna do it again soon!

what should i do with only one week left? enjoy? prep myself for the sem? rest? well... let's see how it goes... =)

Time to carry on blogging...

2010-07-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

It's been 6 weeks of silence... The longest break in my blogging history! Now I'm back. And i want to be back sharing...

life has moved on quite a bit since i returned from hawaii. i have been stretched in my mental capacity to think thru issues and planning, stretched in my physical endurance as I bounced from my teaching attachment in the day to VCF and Church stuff at night, stretched in my obedience to be committed to prayer, stretched in my sensitivity in relating to people and even remembering names!

3 weeks of teaching attachment ended. Much to say. maybe another day. With that, it means school is starting soon... ready to start sch? i'm not too sure.. but there isn't much of a choice..

The Saturday Special Edition of Straits Times on 17 Jul is amazing. It calls for us to be awaken from our lack of awareness around us. The climate of churches here in Singapore is changing. How is our testimony to our nation changing? What is the future of these mega churches and what does it mean for all of us as Christians? I can't start blogging again without talking about this....

More posts to come. hopefully more regularly now.. =)

back from church camp =)

2010-06-17T23:15:00.001+08:00

Fun =) Lots of Laughter. Learning moments. talking to different ppl. talking to God. thinking about my church, my church's role to believers and society, my role in church. praying.

church camp is fun because it is with ppl i 'grew up' with. it is where most of my growing years are from. and so it is easier to be who i am even though that also means friends can be very honest towards me (and suan me too!)

living a worshipful life. that was our theme. fragmented lives. that is our reality. i am very thankful for God allowing Rev Thomas Low to be speaking to us. He was one of the first that opened up scripture such that I saw its intrinsic value, power and depth. and after so many years, he never fails to make me look forward to hear what the Lord is speaking thru him.

not all were pretty and nice. i got the privilege to face some nasty and difficult realities during the camp. hidden from the eyes of many, they simply reminded me of our need for God and our church is not problem free. but it is in these things, God's word speaks loudly "His strength is perfected in our weaknesses" ^.^

inspired...

2010-06-11T01:56:00.000+08:00

Never underestimate what students can do...

Inspired by those who went before us. Yet figuring out what it means for me and the ministry.. So easy to be ladened with the tasks to do each day and lose sight of the big picture...

It starts with knowing God. the pillars doesn't change. serious study on God's word and prayer. I just realised how LITTLE i know about the bible. to think i pride myself with the hours i poured over the past few years... i haven't read the bible thru once. what i know is only bits and pieces which are disjointed..

i learnt the seriousness of this.. time to "accurately handle the word of truth"...

the beauty of friendship..

2010-06-10T00:24:00.000+08:00

just felt blessed to be part of a close friend's life and journeyed with him through difficult moments and see him emerging from it..

i ventured into many places, known quite a large number of people at each point in my life, yet i did not have the chance to build deep relationships with all. but to those i had been a part of their lives, and those that played a part in shaping my life, i couldn't be grateful enough for those times our paths crossed. i wished i had valued people a lot more in the past, but i guess it is part of my growth =)

All things work well..

2010-06-07T17:45:00.000+08:00

the past 3 weeks had been exciting. i know i have grown a lot through it. handling myself, expectations, relating to people, passing on passion, challenging my own assumptions and thought patterns, trusting and depending on God, finding new fire to want to know God more. there were memorable times, laughter and fun with my exco. in the midst of giving myself, i find myself gaining back so much more.. that has always been the paradoxical way God's economy works..

LPC turned out well beyond my expectations. there were signs of movement among the mindset and attitudes of the leaders. there is promise of exciting things to anticipate in this coming academic year.

too much is happening too quickly. but in the midst of my busyness, i still miss hawaii from time to time. but now it is trusting in the good Lord knows the best for me that pushes me forward. to be honest, i dun really feel very stressed over the responsibility of chairperson of VCF. people that i talk to expect that i would be busy and stressed, but somehow (i believe it is God's doing) i am not overly-stressed that i can't function but there is this calmness to know what to do at each step. No, I don't think that all my decisions I made so far are perfect, but I am thankful for the wisdom that is divinely given through the prayers of my friends.

it is just the beginning. one thing i took back from this lpc is this: I am not alone. I look at my exco and I know these people are committed to serve the Lord and this ministry. I look at the leaders at LPC and I was able to see the passion, especially among the outspoken ones. And so this student ministry continues another year dependent on ordinary students with a passion to make known their extra-ordinary God =)

2 weeks back in SG..

2010-05-30T00:36:00.000+08:00

the HEAT is still on and a hard thing to adjust to..

there were a lot of growth of me over the past 2 weeks.. in the process of filling the shoes of a VCF chairperson, i found the disciplined prayer life i tried to cultivate while in hawaii helped me greatly. i poured out my heart to God many times and finding myself so inadequate.. the beauty of how God brought the exco through the past two weeks has been amazing.

contrary to what many ppl think, i wasn't so busy until i had no time for anything else! i found time to go shopping and exercise with my mom, met and catch up with friends.. as it is the holidays, busyness is a choice to a large extent (can't say the same when sch starts).

i will blog more about the new discoveries about my parents and their friends in the next post. over the past week, i was reminded of a fact: building relationships takes time and it requires me to be concerned and involved in that person's life.

a week back in sg...

2010-05-25T19:09:00.000+08:00

what has happened since i came back? two main categories: spending time with people and preparing for ministry ahead..

adjusting back is difficult... the HEAT is REAL! I have a thousand and one things to do.. much more than I would have in hawai'i. but it is nice to remember that everything might be good to do but not everything is necessary at that point in time..

i just received a mail from Grace to Asia. i didn't know Grace to You de-centralised and had a Asia counterpart now. the mail was disturbing for me. The letter was addressing the issue of "listening to God". Last Sunday, Pastor Wong asked me what was the most memorable thing from Hawaii that I wouldn't want to forget. I told her "God's voice". because in a number of occasions I felt God leading me and teaching me on certain things. and those, i felt, were moments of growth for me in certain struggles in my life. however to another person, this seems "ambiguous and mystical".

the letter was addressing this. of cos i agree that the bible is the true revelation from God and its word surpasses any emotional impressions. I quote from the letter, "Even if what you hear seems to match up to Scripture, how can you be sure you're not being manipulated by demonic forces? Listening for ambiguous, mystical messages provides Satan with all sorts of opportunities to tempt, confuse, pervert, and deceive."

I need time to sort out what really happened for me and how I should look at this issue. Either way, i know for myself, it is not a sign of my lack of faith in the sufficiency of the bible. Rather, I felt it is a loving way the Father gives comfort and guidance to His children in a confusing world. a difficult post to articulate clearly... take it with a pinch of salt.. =)

God knows better..

2010-05-23T08:41:00.000+08:00

God is too wise to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind

So when you don't understand

When you don't see His plan

When you can't trace His hand,

Trust His heart.

Only on hind side we see the beauty of His intricate plan and our small but significant role in it. No longer will I stop at asking what is His plan for me but rather to see what is my role in His plan. The dying to self starts here.

The sharing last night at PBSM helped even though i secretly hoped people will spontaneously fight for the opportunity to share! I guess that's idealistic. Not everyone share the same comfort to share because that requires us to be very vulnerable. But for the testimonies that were shared, it reminded me of how human we all are. I could identity with the tears and frustration that comes with trusting God. No, the tears are not because we are sad but rather it's a visible sign of the human struggle we go through as we yield to God. Surprisingly, it is our honesty in our humanness that gives each other courage and encouragement that God's strength would be perfected in us.

More than just a dream...

2010-05-18T12:37:00.000+08:00

It felt as if I woke up from a really long dream. The familiar world around me hasn't changed much since I left. It didn't take long for me to adjust back to my life here.

Yet i found myself unable to look at things the same. I hardly cry. But the thought of not being able to be together with my 'family' in Hawaii in that same manner brings me close to tears each time. I told myself there is no reason to shed tears. I have lived fully and made the most of my time there. The joy, laughter and close times together are simply priceless.

Yet, i must confess it has been difficult. it's my 2nd day back in Singapore and I am still thinking about my time there. I really want to say "It's good to be back" but it is hard when my heart is still back there.

Perhaps this is a common feeling for all exchange students... Perhaps it is because I have invested a lot of myself in Hawai'i that cause me to miss them so much.. Either way, it is selfish to keep thinking "what if I could have stayed longer" because I knew very well why I came back early. God's plan is better. I gotta trust Him in that.

a Special Blog for a Special Adventure

2010-01-01T23:21:00.002+08:00

This blog will take a break as I have a separate one for my adventures in Hawaii! =)

http://p3ngsianginhawaii.blogspot.com/

leaving for Hawaii Exchange...

2010-01-01T11:31:00.002+08:00

december has been amazing... so much to remember, so many learning experiences, so many things to give thanks...

time to pack, pack, pack...

leaving on sat morn... Terminal 2... will be at airport at 630am.. =)

(thanks SnP for your various notes and messages, the photo montage and also the chance to share with all of you the insights of Ecclesiastes ^.^ )

Potato - รอ

2009-12-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

Learning to wait patiently... Love this song...

The song title รอ is pronounced as ror. it means wait. For translation of this song, go to ethaimusic.com =)

Peng’s Reflection Letter - End of Year 3 Semester 1

2009-12-16T10:39:00.003+08:00

After reading Lester’s reflection, I was prompted to jot down some thoughts about the semester that has passed.

This semester was largely different from the previous ones I had. I was no longer staying in hall. That meant a one-and-a-half hour per trip from Pasir Ris to NUS. Not staying in hall changed my lifestyle and my social circle. My involvement in VCF shifted from KE Hall to Sci Faculty. Throughout the semester, many people asked why I chose to leave the hall. My usual answer was that I wanted to spend more time with my parents and I did. However, I remember how it was discouraging at the start when my parents were saying “aiyo nvm lah, just stay in hall.” Leaving hall was difficult because it meant leaving a familiar lifestyle and friends. I remember how I would try to stayover on Tuesday nights at my friend’s room for convenience and to catch up with old friends. But looking back, I do not regret my decision to leave because there were invaluable experiences and discovery about myself through it. And yes, I got to spend more weekday dinners with my parents!

Another transition was serving in a VCF Faculty ministry. It is without fail that every stage of my Uni experience I get to know at least another thirty over new faces and names. This was definitely not something I intentionally planned. To be honest, I really got very tired of trying to remember names. There were points in time I really would rather build on the relationships that I have made instead of knowing even more new people. But I wanted to maintain that freshness of meeting new people, to see what new things I could learn, to be as sincere as I could in knowing that person (my information about people gets mixed up quite often though). And through serving in vcf science and leading a cg, I was often encouraged by individuals who were like-minded and passionate for God and His kingdom.

The physics modules I took this semester were much more manageable compared to the ones in year 2. I made more effort to be consistent with my work and it was not so stressful. However, there was one module topped them all. I commented regularly how my time spent learning Thai 3 was more than all my time spent in the other 4 modules COMBINED. Looking back, I am sure this is not an exaggeration! My Thai did improved a lot compared to 4 months ago though I still found myself to be so lacking when I went for a Thailand Mission Trip right after my exams. The process of learning was quite torturous at times. Trying to understand what the teacher was saying on a monday evening when my brain was not really working, trying to complete piles of Thai homework with other tests and projects to worry about, reading comprehension passages when I did not know almost half of the words... It was an memorable experience indeed. I am very thankful for very supportive and encouraging classmates. They were always so willing to help and their presence really made thai classes bearable and enjoyable.

There were a few surprises that came along this semester. One was the last minute application for student exchange. The H1N1 incident prevented me from going for my Mexico summer program and I was sure I would be staying in Singapore for the rest of my Uni life. Things took a turn when God arranged an unplanned meeting with the late Dr. Roland Su at the science canteen. He inspired me to take hold of the opportunities at hand and now I’m leaving for University of Hawaii on 2nd Jan.

Sometimes I fear that as I advance in my years of walking with God, I would grow complacent and stop putting in effort to learn and grow. Dr Su pointed out how running church activities repeatedly each year only make us to be better at doing things and that’s all. I would add on that serving church activities does not necessary equate to growth if there is no deeper love for God, deeper understanding of His word and His work, deeper convictions to follow Him and pray for His kingdom come. While I have yet to fully grasp the meaning of growing in God, I recognize the perils and ease of losing our focus and doing things apart from God.

The Lord was gracious to expand my understanding of being a Christian Student this semester. It had been an exciting journey. The thrills of learning how to see God in what I study and bringing Christian attitudes and worldview into lectures and labs. My attitude towards exams also changed as I was challenged to rethink how a Christian should handle exams. (I wrote at length about what I learnt in my previous reflections)

I am not sure what God has planned for me in Hawaii. I am looking forward to a nice retreat, enjoying God’s creation and various sports, time to studying the Gospel of Matthew and pray. Life somehow never ceases to be exciting...

Thank God! =)

Back from Thailand

2009-12-14T11:15:00.002+08:00

I really miss the village life... =(

Time is short. Need to pack and prepare for exchange.. more posts up soon =)

unworried or unconcerned?

2009-11-23T23:29:00.000+08:00

thanks Loke, think ur comments today cautioned me not to take my exams too lightly.. will work hard at it until the last paper =) guess i need to live out my faithfulness to God

Adventure Log - NUS Year 3 Sem 1 Reading Week

2009-11-22T20:14:00.000+08:00

Highlights:

- READING WEEK!

- Dinner with Exco at Sofra Turkish Restaurant

- Studying at Sci library with sci cg ppl

- Mission Trip Practices

- ChristmaSING dance practice

- Prayer Meeting

- having the car from sat to wed!

- 2012 Movie with SnP

Reflections:

It was really really REALLY nice to have a car to drive around anywhere, anytime. I took the opportunity to be sending different people home through the few days. It's really fun actually! =)

Reading week is very different this semester. Maybe it's because I'm not staying in hall and there's so many distractions this time that I can't really seem to settle down to study =( But I did study. This week I did not place a lot of pressure on myself, neither am I really stressed. I guess it might be partly due to the growing understanding of how to view exams and preparations correctly from God's point of view. Maybe partly because I just can't wait for the mission trip, christmas and a great exchange semester next year! =) =)

I should be going back to study now... My brother is back!! but he is really sick. viral infection and his skin has a lot of spots and unitchy rashes.. praying for him to get better...

2012

2009-11-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

**Spoilers Alert - I will be commenting a lot on the plot of the movie**

While watching the movie, I told myself I will blog some of my thoughts about the movie before I sleep! So here goes...

Great movie! from a person who didn't really know what to expect of the movie, i enjoyed myself watching it =) i am not gonna edit my blog post so it might be filled with ramblings at certain points.

the initially parts of the movie were amusing. it is so weird cos I'm learning nuclear physics now and so happens all the neutrino stuff, the detectors and solar flares made sense to me! A quick 101 guide to neutrinos: these are really small particles (almost massless) that are created due to radioactive decay or nuclear reactions (or as the movie pointed out - created in the Sun due to nuclear fusion). they are chargeless, travel close to the speed of light, and passes thru usual stuff undisturbed. If i lost you here, dun worry... it's a physics thing =p but i was laughing to myself when they actually filmed a scene where the scientist actually entered a neutrino detector (the dome like place with little spheres on the walls...) anyway the part about neutrinos behaving like microwaves and 'cooking' up the earth's core is totally made up... but they had to come up with smth... =p

what really captured me about the movie is that it did more than just entertaining. it had many messages scattered thru the scenes and it allowed viewers to reflect on them (if the viewers bother to think about them). and i tot i want to blog about some of these things.

the main theme is of cos the end of the world. many of us take our lives for granted. we think that life has always been and life will always be. the daily routine fills our 24hours. this is really cliche but it is still so true. we hardly spare a thought for the bigger picture of what our lives really mean. as Christians, we don't seem to be living as if Christ is returning someday. it seems like we are not longer interested about it and perhaps think that Christ is really slow esp it has already been 2000years!

the bad part about this movie would be the hype over the magic date 2012. because we are warned not to speculate the date and time that the end will come but we are warned by Jesus that it would come at a time we would least expect it....(He said it would come like a thief - see below)

besides the apocalyptic theme, i felt that there was an interesting mix of issues being thrown in. we have divorced families, contrasting political leaders with differing opinions, characters of rich/ poor / religious backgrounds... the building of the ships brought to light a very scary reality of our world today and I tot it was an amazing reflection of our economic driven capitalist society today. the selling of tix to board the ship showed the reality of the rich/poor divide. (but somehow when i tot about it, it made economical sense. how to find the resources to build the ships unless u get the funds from the rich?)

some actions speak louder than words. i tot that the President's act of choosing to stay back was one that is worth taking note. it is in crisis like these we are truly tested of who we say we are and believe. to draw a parallel to my daily experience: in the week leading to the exams, a Christian that is willing to set aside time to be giving out small encouragement cards, making brownies and praying for other students can truly speak loudly about what love and selfless giving means to his friends.

i also loved how the President used the two words "MAKE TIME!" In our seemingly busy lives, we always like to complain no time... but honestly to the things we really hold impt, we will make time for it. well, i am making time to blog this even though i really feel like sleeping now =p

the ending of the movie was heartwarming. the hope it paints seem to cause the viewer to forget the countless lives lost, the pains, the sorrow, the hurt through the destruction of everything. the hope came from the building of the technologically advanced ships that Man can make. when the end of world really comes, can we really depend on our wisdom and technology to save us? as Christians, we know better...

just wanna quote a passage before i end...
2 Pet 3
³First of all, you must understand that in the last days scoffers will come, scoffing and following their own evil desires. ⁴They will say, "Where is this 'coming' he promised? Ever since our fathers died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation." ⁵But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word the heavens existed and the earth was formed out of water and by water. ⁶By these waters also the world of that time was deluged and destroyed. ⁷By the same word the present heavens and earth are reserved for fire, being kept for the day of judgment and destruction of ungodly men.

Many are unaware that a global flood did take place in Earth's history aka Noah and the Flood. However as mentioned, the present earth is reserved for fire. how it will be like, i dunno. we only know it will be associated with fire.

¹⁰But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything in it will be laid bare.^[a]
¹¹Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives ¹²as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming.^[b]That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat.

Since we know the end will come (whether it is in a few years or a few centuries more), what kind of people we ought to be? read the next few verses in your bible! think it will be quite wasted if we leave the movie without thinking about this...

A Friend's Sharing on Banquet of Honour

2009-11-18T12:47:00.000+08:00

"When I first heard about Banquet of Honour through a fellow volunteer at Healthserve I was quite amazed. A humble dinner and planned songs and programmes to honour them, to let them have a relaxing time, and a chance to bridge the us-them divide. I had never ever heard of such an initiative before, and reading the publicity and the heart behind this 'movement' made me give thanks to God for moving the hearts of fellow Christians to love the internationals in our midst. Too long we have ignored them, perhaps even secretly spurned them, and though this one-off act is insufficient to acknowledge their efforts and sacrifice- it was a good start. Though the event was already starting in a week's time, Kah Yoke tried to contact the organisers to see whether and how VCF could help in some small way. Amazingly, HMC were short of servers/host, and with some publicity, 19 of us were gathered to help out. I was immensely moved during thursday's briefing by lian hui, to see her heart and passion for the people of myanmar. Learning how to speak simple burmese, like 'mingalaba' (greetings) with the other VCFers, to be excited and to pray for the evening. God was doing something new.

On the day itself, waiting at the MRT for the other VCFers, my heart jumped everytime i saw someone in white collared shirt and black pants. They were our co-workers for the night. Together we were going to have the privilege of serving our Lord and our friends from Myanmar. All we had to do was to serve them food, to talk to them and to help them enjoy the evening. Nothing spiritual, nothing christian-y, just simple food and songs and dance, yet in a profound way, the whole night was in fact an act of worship to God. Sometimes we christians measure the worth of our deeds by how 'Christian' it is (a dichotomy we should question), but that's really not the core of our faith. Why can't a simple glass of water be offered with the similar responsibility and sincerity:)

The night began with welcoming the guests at my table. I was glad to have Natasha with me. We said a prayer before the arrival time, and smiled at each other, excited. :) We had 7 guests at our table 2 domestic workers, two construction workers, one lady who migrated to Singapore and two nurses. We introduced oursevles to one another, everyone of them were from diffferent regions of Myanmar, each with their own journey and story. The language barrier was a challenge, but God somehow helped us overcome that and sometimes a smile or pat on the hand spoke more than words. I spoke to Tze Thui and Nu Thui (the two nurses) the most through the night, in between the food and performances. It helped me understand their work, their dreams and aspirations, their life here. They were keen to find out what studying in univeristy here was like as well. At the end of the evening, I made two new friends. We exchanged numbers, and plan to go out for some good food one day. Natasha and I felt quite helpless talking to the two guys at our table though, because of language and perhaps even gender barrier? Sometimes it felt like a one way conversation. But we kept looking at each other, to spur each other on to continue keeping the spirits up and trying to engage them. I hope that the little acts of serving them, did bring a little joy to their day nonetheless.

During the performances, I saw and learnt a little more about their culture. The songs presented and the singalong times were moving. Some of the songs were songs about being faraway from family and as tables of people around sang along heartily, I could see the longing in some of their eyes to feel the warmth of family love again. I tried to imagine how it feels like to be faraway, to be alone sometimes, to go through hardship, just to provide for their families back home. I couldn't fully. I never will. But just imagining was painful enough. Tze Thui shared about how she hoped that she could get her nursing certificate converted to a recognised one in Singapore so she can work in a proper hospital instead of a nursing home. How they hoped one day they can return home after earning enough for their families.

I learnt a lot that night, both about these workers, and about myself. I learnt about what touched them, what matters, how there was much strength in their character, and how the difficulties here affect them. I learnt about my own prejudices, my own assumptions, my own lack of sacrifice towards those around me.

For this humbling evening of loving both God and neighbour, I am thankful for the organising committee's vision and for God's amazing provision."

-- Grace Koh, VCF, Arts Year 4.

My Flight to Hawaii is confirmed!

2009-11-18T10:57:00.001+08:00

I'm leaving on 2nd Jan @ 8:30am

^_^

Seems like I am going for real! Feels like a dream... =)

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Sem 1 Week 13

2009-11-16T15:48:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- dropped by Leelets house: asked Charis for help in Thai Oral
- FT#4: Exams are here! ARGH How to cope?!
- Thai Oral Exam
- Nuclear Physics Test
- Experiment Presentation
- Thai Project/Video Presentation
- Lunch with Pam, ZS, Zoey: Review of Tue CG
- Calling up and chatting with Tue CG members
- ChristmaSING: Crew - Artistic Nightmare
- Mission Trip practice
- Banquet of Honour

Reflections:
Another eventful week. Most lessons were ending but somehow I still had a lot of things to prepare for and it was a busy week indeed. in the midst of the busyness there were many blessed experiences to gain and be exposed to.

I enjoyed my Thai oral and the preparation. My topic was on forgiveness. I chose a topic of my own because I felt that I could use this opportunity to prepare and be familiar with the message I am going to deliver in Thailand. Realising I can't prepare my script by myself, I actually arranged to visit the Leelets house at last min notice. Thanks Charis for helping! Thanks also to Kayan for staying back after FT to help out go through my script too. =) I am really blessed to have frenz to be so willing to help out. On wed morn before the Thai Oral, instead of feeling nervous, I was actually excited. I guess part of the excitement came from the fact I'm going to share my views on forgiveness and it was in a indirect way to witness for Christ too =)

FT#4 was interesting. To be honest, before the FT i wondered what good can come out from a panel discussion but I was surprised when I saw some of the wisdom being shared during the FT. It helped me. Will be expanding on what I have learnt in my reflection letter for october (which is overdue)

For a not-so-ppl-person, I never thought I would enjoy the process of calling up my cg members one by one and just chatting with them (and get them to sign up for anntic =p ). Wish I could see them through the second sem though. Just when the group is growing comfortably and bonding together =x

The Banquet of Honour was AMAZING! I never really knew much about it until Pam fwd an email from Social Action Comm. They were asking around for manpower help. That's where I learned about what Banquet of Honour was and immediately I was like "I'm going to set aside time for this!"

The Banquet of Honour is organised by a group of churches in Singapore. It was a series of dinners where we invited the much unappreciated foreign workers in Singapore and in this sense honour them and thank them. It is part of our understanding of loving our neighbours just as Christ loved. And they got Singaporeans like us to serve them as waiters and ushers =) For one night, the roles were reversed. For some of them, it is awkward because no one did such things for them before. For us, it is also a way to challenge our culture and mindset towards these foreigners. As we gave our time and (as the church worker mentioned, maybe even some of our pride), we were also blessed very much indeed. I enjoyed myself last night and I could see that the Myanmar guests enjoyed very much too. Photos are up on facebook. Waiting for my frenz to upload theirs =p

They had these huge banners in all the various languages.

The place was BIG! Almost 100 tables...

The Guests of Honour at my table =) This is when it was the lucky draw.

Josiah and Esther talking to a Myanmar lady....

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Sem 1 Week 11

2009-11-07T00:22:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry this is late. Procrastination is a great blog enemy!

Highlight:

- Science FG

- Midnight Prayer @ KE

- Stats Test on Wed

- Help act in Thai 5 Video

- Inter-Hall Gathering

- Atomic Physics Test on Fri

- Jelvin’s Dance Concert – Unleashed!

- Sending Bro off to Taiwan for training

- ChristmaSING

- This is It!

Reflections:

I was asked "How has your week been?" a few times last week and I think it's my first time responding, "It's really been a very blessed week!" Last week was really been amazing...

What made it so blessed was not how little work I had to do or how comfortable was my life. In fact, it was one of those tough and packed weeks where I had 2 tests to study for and many other things to do like VCF and ChristmaSING. Looking back, the great joy I had came from the giving of myself, opening up opportunities to minister (and be ministered at the same time) and witnessing how the Lord brought me through.

I had 2 tests and the Lord provided me time to study. However to my human nature it is always ideal to be revising the night before the test especially when I haven't finish looking thru every set of notes and tutorials. Turns out the Science Faculty Gathering (FG) was on Tue night when Wed morning is my test. I was emceeing with Zhisheng and was very involved in planning the event yet I was not jumpy or worried that I should be studying.

Sci FG was a blessing. Every major shared about how they struggled to relate God in their studies. First time in my life, I have Christians Science students in the same room talking about Computing, Pharmacy, Maths, Life Sciences... From content to attitudes... Who says studying Science has nothing to do with Faith?

After the FG, I was planning to stay in Zichun's room and finish up my revision. Yet I found to peace at 11pm to join my old friends in KE to be praying for each other and for the hall ministry. Being there rally ppl, to encourage others seemed like it demanded a lot from me, but turns out that I was encouraged by others who were also concerned about ministry, about meeting up, about praying. In a way, the Lord also reminded me of having a right perspective of things. Of cos I should not neglect my studies, but I should not let studies cause me to neglect other things as well.

On thursday night it happened again. I had a Atomic Physics test on fri morn but thursday night there was a inter-hall gathering. It's hard to explain how much it meant for me to go for this event (only my vcf friends would understand) but to see all the familiar faces and the ppl I once served alongside with, it was an amazing time.

By the Lord's grace, I was able to attempt both tests very well and everything I was given to do was completed. what seemed initially like a 'sacrifice' was rather a step to trust that I have studied enough and 'opening up' opportunities to be a blessing to others.

I am sharing this with caution because it is very easy to misread what I want to say here because there are a lot of situation conditions and experiences I cannot put all into words. but i hope a simple sharing like this will pull you along to live for God and seek always to be a blessing to others.

Aik has left for taiwan... Sigh, I am beginning to miss him!

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Week 10

2009-10-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- Ministerial Forum. Guest-of-Honour: MM Lee.
- FT#3 - Unity of the Church by Dr Robert Solomon.
- SnP Leaders meeting @ TCC, Bugis
- Loraine's Concert - DA CAPO
- Patrick & Sabrina Wedding
- ChristmaSING Audition!
- dinner with SnP leaders at house downstairs

Reflections:
The skies are grey. The wind is blowing strong. The rain is pouring hard. It is not hard to tell that the storm has already come. The signs are obvious. Increased amount of work. Tests. Deadlines. Busyness in VCF and SnP...

When the storm comes, it has been easy to go back to how I was like. greatly stressed, constantly anxious, easily irritated... It manifested itself on tue night and it spilled over to some people. Where is the peace and joy of living for God? Have I forgotten it all and return to living a life apart from knowing God?

The Lord has been gracious in allowing me to grow thru this week. The lyrics of the song "I'll move on" by Olivia came to mind. "through this rain I want to smile again..." For me, I want to smile at the storm because my Lord is in control.

It was nice driving around for the weekend =) having the luxury to go around so freely.... ahhh!

The Lord interestingly put me through difficulty with my lab experiment this week. Just when I thought I could finish my last expt quickly, the results failed to come out and I spent much more time than I expected. (from 2 hours to like a few days. I did the experiment almost 4 times!) It fueled my frustration and at that moment it was easy to treat the experiment as a means to get my report done rather than seeing it as investigating creation as I learnt. Imagine my joy when i finally got it on fri afternoon =)

The coming week is going to be really tough. 2 tests. 1 FG. Thai homework which i managed to rush thru the weekend. Thai project.. Think I'm ready for it =) gonna pray before starting the week...

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Week 9

2009-10-18T23:05:00.000+08:00

*wow i have missed quite a few logs on the recent happening weeks...must remind myself that this is worth doing every week =)

Highlights:
- VCF Membership Class conducted by Jasmine
- Going home with Dao Lin and staying at his place while waiting to get my file from Romans' house
- Viva for 2 Lab Reports
- Tue CG! (Gen Study #1, Dawn's phone had a 'stage-fright', Praying for each other)
- Staying over in Zi Chun's room
- Singkrathai (Wayne led the session. learnt a song and psalm 137:1-2 in thai)
- Exciting and Hilarious Discussion of FG with Zhisheng
- Prayer Meeting
- Wedding Rehearsal which took forever...
- Floorball!

Reflections:
I started out this week telling myself I need to put God as the main character. That had implications and effects greater than I thought. I found myself intentionally put aside my worries about finishing all my work on time and allowing myself to see opportunities to minister and be ministered, learning to walk with God rather than running off by myself. An example was the membership class. It started off as 'not going', then to 'ok i will have dinner with them', to 'ok i will go in and do my work', to listening through the membership class. And I was inspired again. Perhaps I have heard before all that has been said, so it was more of a reminder. But it showed me the value of student ministry all over again...

The next one was meeting dao lin at the mrt. going home, finding out that actually he stays near Romans' house which I was completely surprised at how God can orchestrate things.

As I look back this week, perhaps most of my worries about my work were unnecessary. Perhaps I lacked faith. But one effect it had was that it easily took my attention away from God to the work I had to finish. And it robbed the pleasure of enjoying the process and replaced it with stress of meeting deadlines... How horrid!

Also found myself easily irritatable and anxious when I am lacking of sleep. Now looking back, it is interesting and precisely applicable to me that Psalm 127:1-2 was shared during Singkrathai.

Psalm 127:1-2
Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain
Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain
In vain you rise early, and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for He grants sleep to those He loves.

How apt indeed! Never really thought about verse 2... It is so easy to be busy but not busy for the Lord...

The Lord who always refreshes me =)

2009-10-15T20:43:00.004+08:00

Mon and Tue was horrible. One thing after another. The constant guilty feeling of "I should have put more time into this" and the tired feeling from not sleeping enough...

Throughout the Mon and Tue period, I actively allowed God to be the main character. Rather than filling my mind constantly with what I had to do, I tried to be aware of what God might have wanted me to pay attention to which might have been valuable. I stayed for the membership class on Monday and it was an encouraging experience to be reminded once again of the ministry the Lord asked us to partner in. The Lord planned for me to meet Daolin (cgm from Tue CG) on the way home and it was amazing when he stayed near where Romans did! (I needed to collect my file from Romans house which i accidently left on sat) So things worked out well and it is amazing to see how the Lord had it all planned out!

The Lord was gracious. Zi Chun allowed me to stayover on Tue night in KE. I needed it. Instead of the long ride home after Tue CG, I was able to set aside time to pray and slept early....

I woke up on Wed early morn (cos of 8am lecture) to this beautiful sight. I told my friends I don't mind waking up to this sight everyday. And while "Smellin' Coffee" was playing on my mac, I actually could hear birds chirping outside the window.. Simple pleasures of life =)

Chris Rice - Smellin' Coffee

Last thing I remember sayin’ bye to yesterday

Glad to see it over, pullin’ covers over my head

But what were You doin’ while I dreamt the night away

‘Cause I can tell that somethin’s different and

My eyes ain’t even open yet

I’m smellin’ coffee, birds are singin’ just outside

Here comes Your mercy streamin’ in with the morning light

My heart is racin’, wakin’ up to Your smile

Sayin good mornin’, good mornin’

I remember readin’ You’re the God who never sleeps

And while I’ve been dreamin’ You’ve been singin’ over me, yeah

Singin’ about my freedom, wakin’ me up to hear Your song

Now I can’t dance hard enough

‘Cause yesterday is gone, gone, gone!

I’m smellin’ coffee, birds are singin’ just outside

Here comes Your mercy streamin’ in with the morning light

My heart is racin’, wakin’ up to Your smile

Sayin good mornin’, good mornin’

Every little breath, every heartbeat

Is a gift of love that You give to me

You keep givin’ even when I’m asleep

‘Cause I know You never stop watchin’ over me

I wake up, my past is gone

‘Cause Your mercy’s new with the mornin’ sun

I’m forgiven, I’m free, it’s a brand new day

‘Cause Your faithfulness is the greatest, hey!

I’m smellin’ coffee, birds are singin’ just outside

Here comes Your mercy streamin’ in with the morning light

My heart is racin’, wakin’ up to Your smile

It’s a good mornin’, good mornin’

The Protagonist

2009-10-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

I am feeling tired after a long day. I am worried about how I am going to finish the 2 lab reports. I am worried about my thai project. I want to meet my members this week. I need to find the proper mental state to deal with certain issues with a few ppl. I want to be well prep for my sci cg on Tue... I want to be praying for ppl, want to catch up with ppl... I want to contribute to the planning for next year's snp events... and i just realised I used a lot of 'I' in the above few statements......

I need to return to my knees before I start this week.... God need to be the main character in the story this week, not me...

walking through a battlefield each week...

2009-10-10T23:46:00.000+08:00

"walking through a battlefield each week..." that's the kind of scenrio that i used to describe the kind of things my church youth members go through each week.

it's not that i didn't know before this but perhaps it never really hit me. As davidson, dean and aaron shared about their various experiences in school, i can't help to feel so out of touch of reality. i don't think i can relate to you their stories as well as they could but life in davidson's school is so "exciting". fights happen regularly and usually among racial lines and it can be over petty things. just listening to the details of various experiences and fights are eye-opening. they are not something i came across regularly in Anglican High. (it's not about comparing schools but really about being open to reality). it is not surprising that teachers find students and the situation hopeless at times...

I ask myself how can I be relevant to them in their struggles? It feels that what I picture their life to be is SO FAR from what they experience and struggle through each week. In our bible teachings, we give examples like clubbing, smoking, colouring hair, copying homework, studying hard but besides these obvious examples. they actually struggle in respecting less capable principals and teachers, responsing to taunts and fights from fellow classmates, perhaps relating to Malays and perhaps even those who do not do well academically, and perhaps relating to the opposite gender. How has my (i shall not say 'our' because it has to start with me) teaching help them to live as Christians at where they are?

I have members struggling with anger, trying to understand why their fellow professing Christians students don't look anything close to being Christ-like. members struggling with broken family, caught between the quarreling parents, or being involved in heated arguements with parents themselves. It is more than the usual "obey your parents k..." If I teach about obey Christ, prayer, reading the bible, fellowship as abstract ideas and not helping them relate how belief in Christ changes their life outside church, I THINK I am merely creating a haven for them to escape into but not directly addressing their problems. I am merely teaching rituals/methods/techniques but not helping them see the heart of it. Perhaps that's what discipleship really is about - Sharing of lives.

I have a lot to learn. For me, i think it starts with sincere listening...

God, what are You trying to tell me?

2009-10-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

God, what are You trying to tell me;
when You let me wake up today feeling discouraged,
wondering why so few around me passionately love You
wondering why people aren't excited about their lives in You

God, what are You trying to tell me;
when You arranged that I meet a staff from Campus Crusade for lunch
when You showed me his desire in reaching science students
when You lay out before me my negligible efforts in telling others about You

God, what are You trying to tell me;
when You told me today a friend from Hall recently accepted Christ
when another friend shared the gospel to the CO-OP photocopying auntie this morning
when by grace she had the privilege to pray the sinner's prayer with her immediately

God, there's no need for me to ask;
when all that You want to say I already know
when all that is required an honest heart to confess and a humble heart to change
when all I need to rem is "How will they believe in whom they have not heard?"

***

Bits of conversations today:
"If a person understands that this is good news, why isn't he excited about sharing it?" -- Si Ming

"Hey you know Pak Kin right? He accepted Christ a few week ago! Ya, he's attending my church now. His friends brought him and went through a few months of EBS with him." -- Kayan

"I dreamt about asking the lady '你有听过福音吗?' this morning. When I went to the CO-OP this morning, I thought it was so weird but I just ask. Then she said no and I started sharing with her the four spiritual laws in Chinese! Then when I ask 你要接受耶稣吗 she said yes! So I just prayed the sinners prayer with her!" - Zhon Yun

Thank You Lord, I needed to hear this....

Peng's Reflection Letter - Sept 2009

2009-10-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=766579255

=)

Tests are over!

2009-10-01T13:05:00.001+08:00

yay! tests are over... shall return to blogging tonight =)

the stress builds...

2009-09-27T20:00:00.000+08:00

when time is just not enough... feeling the stress now... praying that my focus doesn't shift...

Scripture Reading for today...

2009-09-20T23:58:00.001+08:00

"Today's second lesson is taken from James 3:13 to 4:1-3,7-8a..

¹What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? ²You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁷Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸Come near to God and he will come near to you...."

instead of reading off the slides, i liked the habit of opening up my own bible... then i asked myself one question: why not just read from whole of verse 1 to 8 but instead cut it up?

i though perhaps it was done to highlight certain points. but the more i read, the more i find that harder to believe cos the main impact of the msg comes from the verses unread!

Verse 4-6:

You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? ⁶But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."

Verse 8:

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded!

why are we so caught up in trying to be nice? how can God's word be a sharp sword if we keep it in its sheath?

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Week 5

2009-09-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- Tue CG - Gen Study #1
- Stayover @ KE7, Bday Celebration by KECF friends & other KE friends
- Shopping @ Orchard Road with Loke, Luigi, Jun Kok and Jelvin
- ChristmaSING 1st Meeting
- Intro to Muslim talk by Social Action
- MRT ride home with Zaini
- Karios Course - Christian Worship in Muslim Culture
- SPY CG - Expressing Our Hearts

Reflections:
Decided to take time to pray to begin the week instead of blogging. =)

an extraordinary night....

2009-09-11T00:27:00.000+08:00

Imagine talking about Jesus to a Muslim on a train ride home... tonight experience has stretched my understanding of "with God all things are possible!"

I thought i would be blogging about my blessed bday but nothing prepared me for the amazing experience tonight! In VCF, there is this committee called Social Action and they organised a talk on Muslim. The presenter was no professor, no experienced lecturer but a fellow Christian student who took the time to research and learn from his muslim friends. Even though the talk was an introduction, it was still amazing. It brought out many facts about what the Muslims believed in which I was ignorant or had misconceptions about.

I was really surprised when Jonas, the student from Social Action Comm, actually invited the people from Muslim society to join us while he gave the talk. Being in the same room while discussing on such a topic was already a breakthrough to me. Never thought such things were possible. The true value came after the talk when we just hanged around and it was interesting to hear what the people from Muslim society had to say. I found myself having to put aside a lot of assumptions and keeping an open mind to things while listening to them. They shared about how they are taking the initiative to push for inter-faith dialogues, encouraging collaboration, accepting our differences but yet identifying common struggles. Many Christians and Muslims have misconceptions about what each other faith is about and coming together to share need not necessary cause one to stumble but might instead cause one to be stronger. For me, i see it as an amazing opportunity and platform to openly share the gospel and at the same time be challenged with certain things we understand about our own faith.

I was even more amazed at how God arranged for me to travel home with one of the students from Muslim Society. He stayed in bedok so we had a nice long ride home to chat. The setting was just right cos it was after the talk so the topic on religion flowed naturally. We also shared about life as a student, finding out what each other studies. But the range of topics we covered was amazing. From his side, i learnt about the 5 pillars of Muslim, the daily prayers and what he recited during those times, what he did in mosques, the pilgrimage and its requirements. He shared also about the struggles and problems like attracting youths in a materialistic culture, the older generation's focus in enforcing traditions and hinder muslim youths desiring to come to mosques. he even shared how it is not common for a muslim to understand the Arabic language. most of them are able to read but they don't really understand unless they seek to read translations on their own. we also talked about the muslim teaching of religion being an individual affair between them and God. so they don't force people to believe and in fact they are ok with people choosing not to believe as long as they don't preach to others and cause others to abandon the faith as well. (this is from what i gathered from him)

On my side, he asked about what obligations does a Christian have. i touched on the essence of Christianity, about the redemption of Christ as the focus because we can't do anything to save ourselves and our good works are but a response of gratitude and obedience. because he asked I even shared about how i came to believe in God and also the struggles in understanding the Triune God. i talked about evangelism because it is something we do actively. told him about evangelistic events (even mimby!) and also street evangelism. i also highlighted the Christian struggle in portraying a balance understanding of God's love and justice. His mercy and judgment, and how church discipline and accountability is no longer attractive to the new generation and culture.

i thank the Lord that He did not throw me into such a situation any earlier than this. I am thankful I'm at least a reasonable understanding of scripture, the various theological struggles, the challenges and limitations of ministry all through my various experiences in teaching bible studies and serving in SnP and VCF. That helped me to be really tactful in my choice of words and to be really conscious in steering the conversation the right way. I couldn't be more blessed. Perhaps both of us started talking convinced that neither of us would be shaken in our own faiths, but I believed that God arranged it and the seed of the gospel is still planted...

The university is the centre where ideas are shaped, where the new generation of society is birthed. It is exciting being a student! i wouldn't believe that such a conversation tonight would have taken place if both of us were much older adults. Praise God in His infinite wisdom and workings!

09/09/09 Birthday Wishlist

2009-09-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

Having a birthday wishlist is NOT being 'proud' or 'think you are so impt that ppl will surely give you presents'. it is the attitude behind writing it that determines if it is bad or not. it is actually a very practical thing (esp for guys). think about it, how many times you went shopping and wondering what to buy for a birthday gift? see what i mean? and this kinda helps me to get what i really need and not stuff which i won't use haha =p (of cos i still appreciate lah!)

but as i was thinking thru what i am lacking or need, i found that i am already very blessed beyond measure. whether it is in terms of tangible or intangible things, i am so content that at times i wonder if i am deserving of such great blessings!

So i decided that the top item on my wishlist is Prayer. If you can't spare the time to celebrate or buy something for me (i also not in a very celebrating mood), taking time to pray for me would mean more to me than anything else. (if you want u can drop me a note saying u have prayed for me =p )

Prayer Requests:

1) Salvation for my parents. if there is anything else that I desire more, anything else that can bring me endless joy would be to see my parents come to know the Lord.

2) A pure heart that seeks the Lord. i may be a leader in ministry, i may be relatively more exposed in understanding God's word. but my struggle in following Christ is as real as anybody else's. pray that i may "be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might" and "having done everything, to stand firm" (Eph 6:10,13)

3) Grace from God to continue to wait patiently for what He has prepared for me. (to my very close friends, you know me well enough to understand this) the journey can be faith stretching at times yet it is also filled with exciting anticipation =)

Indeed what more can I ask. My brother lovingly bought a Crumpler backpack for me. Aww.. thanks bro! but if you want to buy stuff for me, i rather you make a card and write an encouraging note. dun buy me books already cos i already have a lot to read >.< (i still have not touch The Divine Conspiracy the exco bought for me last year! oops!) ppl say i need to change my wardrobe. you can take me out for shopping i guess? lol!

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Week 4

2009-09-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

Highlights:
- CBS with Law CGLs @ BTC (Gen 1 by Jasmine)
- Tue CG Intro Session @ Engine Bridge
- CG Discussion with Zoey, Zhisheng and Pam @ IMM
- Celebrate Eirene's Bday @ Marina Barrage
- Karios Course (Cross-Culture Lesson)
- Music in My Backyard! =)
- Shopping with family @ Ion Orchard

Reflections:
I found out that there is great inertia to do work at night after i reach home. if i want to do work, i should stay in school and don't try to put to heavy stuff to do at night.. =)

Serving the Lord together with this group of friends has been a joyous and encouraging experience every time. This time MIMBY went onto a new level as many more people brought friends and the scale of the event simply grew. All it takes is to sit down and think about the effort and thought put into every detail (from food, music, decor, admin, logistics, publicity) to be overwhelmed with appreciation and encouragement. The commitment, sincerity and faithfulness in completing their assigned roles are commendable.

Romans reminded us that besides being focused on delivering a professional level event, we should also be sensitive to what the Lord is teaching us, least we serve the service and not God Himself! So what did I learn? For 2 consecutive MIMBYs, I wasn't involved in the committee (that freed me up to focus on other commitments in VCF) so I spent my time and energy to pray for the event and at times listen to people share their stress over the event and encourage them (esp my poor fren billy who is so tired during Thai classes after the late night rehearsals). for 2 consecutive mimby, i took time to think of how to communicate the good news of Jesus Christ from a point of relevance, humility and sincerity to my friends sitting at the same table. I type this knowing that my non-Christian friends might read this. I don't mind saying this upfront - in MIMBY we don't just invite people to enjoy that particular night with us but to share about a even better eternal life promised to us that can be found in Jesus. Sometimes failing to communicate this well can let guests think that we are trying to convert people in a 'underhand' method or forcing them to believe what we tell them by pressuring them. So learning to share the gospel is something I am still learning.

Relevance. for some of us spending a few years in church, we tend to reduce the gospel to a formula when we share to others, making it just a stack of facts and very impersonal. the key points of the message is essential but relevance comes when we can identify the things that truly bother our friends today. and sometimes we assume our friends face the typical problems we know or will ask certain questions which in reality they don't really care about. that leads me to my next learning point.

Humility. while we understand that what we know from God and from scripture is the absolute truth, we cannot always put an aggressive stance and just blurt out what we know without considering how is the listener understanding it. i am not saying we should be selective or manipulative in the content we share, but some of us know very well that people turn off if we are too pushy or preachy. learning to tactfully ask questions and draw out what the listener thinks of various topics and creating a dialogue not a monologue should be the way when communicating the gospel with a more mature group. (doesn't work for secondary sch students cos they are just apathetic about quite a lot of things and much less vocal. so with that group, can just share)

sincerity. of all, i find this is the hardest. it is so easy to only be interested and talking to my friends only when an event is coming. that is so shallow but it happened to me in the past. sometimes i find myself so busy when church commitments that i have no time for my friends. being a person who is task-oriented, it is not natural for me to initiate outings. so making it a commitment this year to make spending time with my friends a priority too =) then, the sharing of lives and the love for each other is genuine and sincere.

I say all the above in acknowledgement that ultimately God is the one who convicts people's hearts but I have no excuse to put any lesser effort because I am called to be faithful.

time to sleep =)

A different side of society...

2009-09-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

Something caught my attention just now when traveling to the marina barrage... After meeting with zoey, zhisheng and pam at IMM, i headed to join e snp leaders to celebrating eirene's bday by taking the train to marina bay.

as i stepped out of the mrt station, i was greeted by an unusual sight. it was something that have always been there but was just hidden in a sense. It was the time when work ended. I entered a massive construction site with crowds of construction workers, truck mixers which travelled on the roads like army conveys, and thick layer of dust in the air. i have a hunch that these people were mostly migrant workers. The whole environment made marina barrage picnic-goers like us stand out. the contrast was so stark, i felt i was trespassing.

it is easy to fall back on the mindset i grew up with (mainly shaped by my parents). "stay away from these workers, dirty, dangerous, etc..." in reality, they are dirty and smelly, going back to their dorms after work. i was squeezed by them up the bus so it wasn't hard to catch their scent. it is easy to recall the kind of things our parents say "you better study hard or you would end up like them".

i guarded myself against it. esp it so happens that recently i was reading from Matthew 9:36 on how Jesus had compassion for the people. so instead i took notice of their behaviour, the expression on their faces, where they were heading to... I was curious how they all cycled around, only finding out later that a dorm was set up nearby. it wasn't too hard to imagine the life they had. to stay in those metal containers, to come here to singapore to work. some were going to the pier. Romans suggested that they might just go to an offshore island to relax on a fri night. this was inferred from the bear bottles in plastic bags they were carrying. some were cheerful, some just had blank faces...

should i be guilty for leading a life so different from theirs? for some, answering such questions are too hard that maybe it is better to just ignore and accept it as how the society is. i wonder if i should do that? I concluded that i should not but at the same time only trust that the Lord placed each individual and determined their times so that we would all seek Him. there should be no guilt, but neither should there be biasedness or a elitist mentality or ignorance. the Lord calls us to have compassion but i wonder what that would mean for me.. prayer perhaps. beseech the Lord to send workers into the harvest field...

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Week 3

2009-08-30T20:31:00.001+08:00

Highlights:
- beginning of Thai lessons!
- FT#1 - Why Student Ministry?
- visiting Sherm's room =)
- TimberFest @UCC
- study @ airport with loke and luigi
- wrap up session for youthbeat - facing the giants

Reflections:

workload is picking up. thai is proving to be a lot harder than i expected. the initial lessons were very discouraging for me rather than fun. primarily because i couldn't understand almost half of what the teacher is saying and most of the other students are doing pretty well. i was adding a lot of stress upon myself and there were many times during the lessons i found myself asking why I am putting myself through this. I ask why am I defying my logic. Why am I doing something I am obviously weak in? My thai modules gave me my lowest grades and I forgot most of what I have learnt. Why?

Because there is a need. I know that need. I saw it when i went to thailand during my previous mission trips. The Karios course reminded me about the language barrier. I was reminded how Charis could minister to a deeper level when she could talk to some of the Thai youths. I did not force myself to take this language. I wanted to. And i guess this would be the motivation to pull through the "rigorous language training" and weekly homework I have to do.

Rosanna was telling me how she also found it hard when she first learned Thai. She knew how it feels to want to tear the paper up! Here's an interesting thought: Charis was telling me how she enjoyed Thai when I told her I was 'suffering'. I wouldn't mind to take time to study theology while Romans is finding it hard. Perhaps it is "the grass is always greener on the other side" =)

with workload piling, more things are now packed into one day. i feel like i am like a juggler trying to keep each component and responsibility in my life balanced so it doesn't fall. It can become quite mindless if everything runs like a machine without passion or heart put into it. Since that is always my tendency when busyness comes, I guess I would need prayer in this area.

Sept is coming! so is my bday. yet i don't feel like celebrating again. i guess it is because of school. even going out to relax a day can't be done without guilt or worry that i have time for my work. bday wishlist? maybe the next post =)

S.A.V.E. - Students Against Violation of the Earth

2009-08-27T19:12:00.006+08:00

Yesterday morning just before the Statistics lecture, the student group SAVE gave a presentation about a movement they called NUS Votes Earth. After the presentation, they gave out voting slips and urged everyone to join the cause. Apparently, if they are able to collect at least 5000 "yes!" responses on the initiatives stated, they can appeal to the school admin to implement and enforce these proposed actions in hope to "save the earth".

Lately, the Lord has been allowing me to give more thought to this issue about saving the earth and how Christians should respond to it. I have heard different views from different people and here are some of them:

Many of my vcf friends (esp my previous exco friends) are convinced that Christians should be involved in this too. Refusing to take another plastic bag, printing tiny-fonted song sheets, and even advising me not to packet food if possible! =) Motivation behind it? We are stewards of the earth that the Lord provided.

Recently, I had the chance to listen to John MacArthur preaching on 2 Peter 3 while driving my bro back to army camp. (I hope i represent Pastor John's correctly here) He shared his views with regards to Christians hopping on the "Green" wagon too easily and supported his views from Scripture. It was my first time hearing the flip-side of the issue. First he pointed out that Man will not be the ones destroying the earth. It is God. He who has created and sustained the earth was also the one who flooded the earth during Noah's time. If the world were to end, it would be God's doing and that will happen in the day of judgment. God's means of ending the earth will not be water anymore but fire (fire is always associated with the judgment day). Pastor John also quoted from Genesis 8:22 noting that the earth will continue to exist according to God's purposes by His grace. So instead of being so caught up with trying to save the earth, spend our energy in preaching the gospel, in warning people of the day of judgment "where the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the elements burned up". So we are called to subdue the earth (use whatever the Lord has graciously provided in creation for His purposes). So he gave this quote, "Step on the grass, shoot a deer, drill for oil" Don't worry about it.
[sounds pretty extreme huh?]

On Tuesday, I had a chance to have supper with my anntic group. As we chatted, I asked Guo Yi regarding this to hear how he views this issue. in a nutshell, our concern should not be on the physical things per se because the heavens and earth will eventually pass away. however, our attitude towards handling God-given resources is important and God is concerned about that. A proper understanding of "stewardship" must derive its meaning from scripture and I need to come up with an understanding of it which I am convinced of. [not because it is a post-modern view, but simply that there are too many voices out there]

So i have my own conclusion - i am resolved to be minimize wastage of resources but I won't let this take priority over ministry or go totally out of the way inconveniencing myself. Meaning if sometimes need to print stuff on big paper, need means need. just like money. discerning between need and want and not spending it wastefully. That is my stand... for now.... =)

I like how i summed it up for jelvin - the difference btw Christians and non-Christians in the 'green' project is the motivation behind. The non-Christians are driven by fear, by popularity, by guilt that the earth is dying. Christians should be driven by God's simple call to be good steward in handling all that God gave to honour Him.

Adventure Log - AY09/10 Week 2

2009-08-23T23:03:00.001+08:00

Highlights of Week 2:
- VCF Sci Comm meeting
- PBSM @ Ben's house; Lesson on Judas Iscariot
- Settle SEP admin matter: module mapping, moe proposal, UHM application
- University Dedication Service; Message by Prof Lockhart
- Meeting Alex @ Compass Point; DJ #3; ALEX ACCEPTS CHRIST!
- FINISHED SCIENCE & GRACE!
- BLC Prayer Meeting
- Sat Mugging Club
- Meet Zhi Hao
- MIMBY Dry Run

Thoughts:
Looking back, I notice there were multiple of times I had been asked for personal prayer requests this week. My concern this week was my frustration in the unexpected long hours used to settle the SEP admin matters. It upset my plan to finish up my lab report for this week. The anxious and frustration mainly sparked from a hope that I could finish more things this week to free up time next week. As I reflect, this stress was actually self-created and it went to a point it affected me. I couldn't keep a grateful attitude towards God for things happening and I wasn't an encouragement in any way to ppl. It is the task-oriented monster being let loose again! I have to contain it by realigning my thoughts and pray to find back the joy of living for God once again!

Another thing was Alex accepting Christ. When I asked the question, "So do you want to accept Jesus Christ?" after explaining who He is and what He did, Alex replied with an immediate, "Ya." I knew that was the confirmation. I should be overjoyed in my heart. Yet my feelings seemed much more numb than my mind. Perhaps it was tiredness, perhaps he already voiced out that he already believed from the start, perhaps somewhere along the road of spending time with him, I got that sense he already wanted to accept Christ. So it didn't come as a surprise. However, I wonder how big the contrast would be between me and the entire host in heaven celebrating over the repentance of a sinner?

I am going to make effort to do adventure log every sunday night. hopefully this way, it keeps me reflecting and not mindlessly go through the semester. =)

A New Blogskin, A New Adventure...

2009-08-23T00:54:00.001+08:00

I had been busy with a few things over the past few weeks and hence this was delayed. But it didn't take long for me to feel the agony of not having a new blogskin and being able to blog... yay back to blogging!

One thing I was particularly busy with was reading this book called Science & Grace. I FINISHED IT! WhoO~ It was a long month of reading and thinking through the many insights and paradigm-shifting ideas...

The gist of it was to understand how to understand Science as a Christian. It is more than just appreciating it as "oh what a wonderful creation". The richness of it goes beyond what I first imagined! The way we look at Science, how some feared that people are using it to disprove God, how we view the laws of nature and miracles, what does it mean to be a faithful Christian Scientist, how do we respond to an age where the Science culture demands we leave our religious convictions at the door before we do science, and many more...

Just to share one point that really blew my mind. It was to rediscover the Trinity nature of God and the involvement of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in creation. Because of the way we learn science, we tend to see the world in a very mechanical way with physical laws of nature. It makes God like a computer engineer who creates a laptop and then lets it run on its own. This limits our awe of God's glory and God becomes very detached from creation. But the truth is far from it! Our loving God who creates the Universe is intimated connected with His creation through Jesus Christ and sustaining it at each moment through the Holy Spirit. Just think of it. The reason why the world runs in a seemingly predictable way, the reason why objects in nature beyond laws, the reason why the sun will always rise and sets, is because God (in a display of His faithfulness) chooses to sustain it this way. Every thing is held together and sustained by God because of His grace. Our God is THAT BIG! (*gees i don't know i have explained this well enough for you to share my amazement and awe of God!)

This is not something out of the bible. Even in Gen 1:2, the Holy Spirit was already mentioned, hovering above the surfaces of the waters. Psalm 104 goes in great detail explaining how the Lord delights and cares for His creation to the smallest detail!

I have not found a book so well-researched, clear on the issues at hand, well-thought through and not vague in its conclusion and response. Of course, i still need more time to digest all i read. but it does challenge me to re-think the approach and mindset I have towards studying Physics and doing my labs in NUS.

Second thing is of even more excitement. I have only told a few ppl about it and now I decide to scream on my blog about it.... I AM GOING TO HAWAII FOR EXCHANGE!! WhoO~~ Ever since the choice not to go Mexico, it never occurred to me that the Lord was doing so to open a better door for me. In many ways the Lord did not short-change me but gave me so much more. I am going for a longer duration (Next Year Jan to May.. 5 MOnths!) and since I have recently received the MOE teaching award, I am covered financially!! A free trip to Hawaii with monthly allowance!! Now that's really something to scream about! WHOO~

It was tough to settle all the administration especially I rushed my application last minute. But thank God for this unexpected gift. A few months ago, the Lord asked me to stay and I saw the value of staying - catching up with people, sharing the gospel to ppl, catching up with the church youths. Now the timing seems right. I just can't wait!

ALOHA! =)

Transitioning into a different life

2009-08-13T00:55:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for being inactive again... Been busy with preparing for the start of school, revising my thai and trying to finish reading Science & Grace...

School has started and I am beginning to feel what it is like traveling to school everyday... It can really be time consuming and I realise I need a bigger and more comfy bag to carry all my stuff to school! traveling to sch with my dad each morning kind of fulfills why i chose to not stay in school. Every morning's conversation just seems so valuable even though it is about trivial stuff.

Today i did something different. i had lecture from 8 to 10 am and i had to stay for science vcf welcome tea at 6:30pm.. I decided to drop by and stayover at KE7 for one night... Didn't expect one day and night in ke would be so happening.

I met old friends. quite a number of them. this time i enjoyed catching up with ppl. finding out how they were doing. being in hall, i felt somehow every moment and meeting with various ppl was somehow planned beautifully by God. I could share their struggle, their concerns, pray with them. It turned out to be a really fruitful day.

Past struggles with settled issues resurfaced again. Hearing from a fren who went UCLA (at Los Angeles) for her summer prog reminded of the 'lost' of my mexico trip. and today many asked me why i chose not to stay in hall anymore. it was a decision made long ago. it is nice to find belonging here, find friends who know me, find things and events i'm familiar with... things moved on. many of my peers and juniors took up leadership in hall. KE just won the best float for RAG day, allowing them to perform at Chinggay. that's a big achievement for a hall like mine... of cos, i rem my reasons for leaving hall... learning to move on, break away from busyness, focus on being faithful with the many things i'm already involved in...

it's late at night. and singapore is just a bad place to watch meteor showers.. going to bed.. =)

Water Into Wine -- Viewing Science & Miracles

2009-07-28T15:23:00.003+08:00

"God creates the vine and teaches it to draw up water by its roots and, with the aide of the sun, to turn the water into a juice which will ferment and take on certain qualities. Thus every year, from Noah's time till ours, God turns water into wine. That, men fail to see. Either like the Pagans they refer the process to some finite spirit, Bacchus or Dionysus: or else, like the moderns, they attribute real and ultimate causality to the chemical and other material phenomena which are all that our senses can discover in it.

But when Christ at Cana makes water into wine, the mask is off. The miracle has only half its effects if it only convinces us that Christ is God: it will have its full effect if whenever we see a vineyard or drink a glass of wine we remember that here works He who sat at the wedding party in Cana."

--- C.S. Lewis.

returning to a familiar world...

2009-07-24T23:20:00.002+08:00

back from ict (in-camp training aka reservist!)... 2 whole weeks... an adventure, a reality check, a reminder...

"ict seems to affect you more than it affected me when i went for it" -- comment from a good fren

The Lord brought some things about myself to surface during this experience. with the fast-paced movement of things in ict, perhaps i did not take time to think thru and handle them well. perhaps i should also find time to reflect and put my thoughts in this month's reflection letter...

Inductive Bible Study

2009-07-18T10:08:00.001+08:00

Here's an interesting article... =)

http://www.logos.com/nationalbibleweek/biblestudy/64

Studying for God - a noble calling or an excuse?

2009-07-11T12:19:00.002+08:00

putting this blank post here to remind myself to blog about it.. maybe if you are reading this and want to comment, you are most welcomed to...

the issue - "many Christian students today like to use the phrase 'studying to glorify God'. Sometimes it is used to not turn up for fellowship or even church services. Where do we draw the line? What does it really mean to 'study for God'?"

Past, Present, Future...

2009-07-07T00:22:00.002+08:00

---Present ---

Time is flying by this holiday. Somehow I kept wondering if I accomplished anything with the time given to me. I set out with simple goals. Seems that I didn't really do much of what I wanted.

Even though I didn't do what I wanted, the weeks of June were well spent. Month of May were focused on VCF. Month of June focused on SnP -- time spent with members & leaders, planning, playing, going out. It almost seemed like I'm catching up on the things I couldn't do during the past year. Relationships building depend so much on time... It inevitably gets compromised when my availability is limited....

Month of July is ICT. But I want it to be a month of learning. Learning about the gospel, learning about God in Science, learning my Thai again. Hope this month i can be focused...

--- Past ---

Today i flipped the remaining notebooks that I had to pack. I found my QT Journals, Youth Thailand Mission Trip journals, notebooks I used during Sec 4, JC 1, JC 2, BMT, SISPEC until the 2 most recent notebooks --> Theosebes Notebook & Bearing Good Fruits Notebook from SnP...

I was further provoked to consider the simplicity, the sincerity of my faith I once had.. I saw it from the scribbles of journals I made from time to time, the simple heart of wanting to glorify and testify God's goodness.

On a honest note without boasting intent, I am surprised at my maturity towards the faith. Single-minded, willing, sincere and honest. I faced great opposition and struggle in my faith back then and I had to learn to hold on to God dearly. Being exposed to non-Christians very often, my walk with God was close because I had nothing else for support. It brings me to wonder when was the last time I held on to God dearly.... I can't seem to recall! Is it because I've learnt to trust God further and so I worry less or have I stop confronting opposition with that initial zeal so my life slips back into the mundane?

It's weird to say this, but I'm inspired and wish to possess some of the qualities I once had. To say I'm inspired by my past self sounds like self-idolatry but that's not my intention. I guess it's about finding back the path I once took and to carry the cross as I once did.

Perhaps one reason for feeling this way is that I'm capable of more things now with more training and experience. So faithfulness would require me to go beyond what I can already comfortably do. Joining VCF and leaving Hall have caused my Christian circle to increase and my non-Christian friends to decrease so the struggles are different now. With greater knowledge and able to express myself better, it is also easier to hide behind the barrage of "Christian jargons" and not exposing myself to be accountable and honest as before... Have I been like that?

I am also surprised at the amount of things I learnt thru QT and sermons back in those years. It's nice cos I dun remember it off hand but when I look at my own writings, i can vaguely remember the place and person who taught that!

I also noticed I loved to copy verses, motivational quotes and complete lyrics of songs in my notebooks. Words matter to me. That's my language I guess. So it was nice reading them again...

--- Future ---

*i decided to remove this part. not time to share yet. continue to be praying...

Ok that's all for the night =)

Hermeneutics in Everyday Life

2009-07-04T00:05:00.002+08:00

was introduced by a friend to this website... a very humourous article if u have background knowledge of the groups of ppl mentioned =p

http://theologyandculture.wordpress.com/2009/05/29/hermeneutics-in-everyday-life/

Hermeneutics is about the way we interpret the bible...

Packing... & Reflecting

2009-06-22T22:33:00.004+08:00

Here's a deeper-thought-post which finally I found inspiration to start blogging like this again...

I was asking the Lord to help me in my mindset. By default, I tend to be preoccupied with getting things done and felt uncomfortable when there is still things to do. I tend to think that I'll do what I want after I finish these things...

I wanted to enjoy what I'm doing now, to enjoy the process of preparing sun sch lessons, to enjoy going out with people, to enjoy even packing my room...

I procrastinated my packing for a week already (kept playing dragonica! >.< ) Packing my things can be a great experience. Browsing through old stuff, remember the days that were, looking at the photos, the contact lists, the reflection letters, the plans, the stack of notes for each bible study..

As I was looking through my SPY001 file, i can't help but ask what has changed... How have I changed?

I started out serving with much freshness and zeal. Being inexperienced, I was naive and I just did what I thought was the right thing to do. That joy and purity in seeking and serving the Lord gave a pleasant experience in being a youth leader. there were difficult times but i guess things seem simpler back then.

I look at myself today and I wonder if I had lost that freshness I once had. Is ministry still a joy for me or am I just carrying out a responsibility? I cautioned myself of this years ago but it is scary that I fallen when realising it!

I have grown in ministry skills. I have greater scope and understanding of the bible. I have gained relatively much experience from SnP, SYFC and VCF. Yet what has all these amount to? One effect is that I have to put more thought into things now that I know more. whether it is ministry planning, bible studies, or simply conversing with members. It can be wearisome to constantly filter what I hear, to always be on guard against wrong teachings. When i first started out, I just accepted when i hear as long as it made sense to me. I can't explain why it is wearisome now that I must discern carefully, but sometimes I just feel tired. Perhaps it comes with the disappointment that not everything is straight forward and not every 'Christian' teaching is of the Lord. Not every intention is sincere and pure either.

The Lord prompts me to realise that the reason why i'm jaded is that I had been focused on what I can do. I have been striving a lot, and much of it I relied on my wisdom and strength. When things didn't turn out wonderful, I become discouraged. The experience and knowledge has led me to think I can now manage better and should expect more fruit from ministry. But what the Lord caused me to understand tonight is to seek Him and serve Him with that helplessness, sincerity and honesty when I first started out.

I need to be humbled again....

I have so many notes that I can make a file for each book already..! This is only a fraction of the amount of bible study we have over the past 6 years! no i can't recall most of the things i've learnt. i need to look at the notes to refresh my memory...

This is e SPY001 contact list! Look who is the last person!! haha i actually forgot how difficult it was to get hold of jacobsen back in sec 2... How things have changed!

Family KBox!

2009-06-22T22:12:00.004+08:00

I've been to KBox with uni friends, cca friends, vcf friends, SnP leaders, but going with my Family! now that's a first!

We started out with a SUPER BIG ROOM! (they said the small rooms were taken..) it was too big, the atmosphere wasn't there... sigh...

IT was COLD!! My parents actually went home to get jackets for everyone... (we were at the E!hub KBox so it was very near our house =p )

My Dad!! =) I tell you, my parents can sing! envious! haha... we decided on this Kbox outing cos it's Father's Day!! =)

My Mom! She's the more wacky one... I inherited my loud voice from her too! =p

My bro and I =)

quote

2009-06-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again because there's no effort without error and short coming, who does actually try to do the deed, who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly. Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checked by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in a gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." ---- Theodore Roosevelt

Relaxing Days...

2009-06-17T11:01:00.005+08:00

After days of planning, 2 visits to IKEA, and 1 WHOLE DAY of fixing, it is done! I get to use my new furniture!!! WhoO~

My old furniture. it looks ok but really, everything is falling apart! (Haha it looks nice on photo.. oh dear!)

My bro helping me to clean the room (yes i got clean too!)

Fixing the shelves was the toughest... we got so tired of fixing it... especially the glass doors... my bro warned me that i'm gonna get it worse when it's his turn to change furniture! haha!

TA DA!! My New Furniture... (i gave up taking pictures of fixing the table and bed... now it's time to start putting all my stuff in...)

PLAYmax!

2009-06-13T20:36:00.003+08:00

summarizing a few thoughts:

- This might be why God didn't let me go Mexico. The PLAYmax experience was too valuable!

- It was refreshing to be doing these things again: building rapport with new people, watching team dynamics, engaging the people, sharing the gospel

- it brought great sense of meaning and i was really enjoying myself!

- found out more about myself esp how i tend to be less cautious and insensitive of what i say when i get excited and carried away

- Christian jargons! need to help people to go beyond these excessively used terms and understand what they really mean...

- it was nice to meet old friends from SFYC, new friends from VCF, overly familiar church friends and seeing how we all work together for the same Lord!

We are told "Do Not Worry..."

2009-06-10T09:39:00.002+08:00

^{²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Mt 6:25-26)}

I was thinking thru this during my QT and Jesus' words offer quite a great challenge. "Do Not Worry". Worry can be considered as sin because we do not trust in God's providence. We do not trust in His character that He will provide as the God who provides (Jehovah-Jireh)

Yet such extreme words posed many questions. Is there a difference between worry and being concerned? Is there a biblical kind of worry/concern that is right? How to draw the line between not worrying and being lazy/ignorant?

It was emphasized that I should observe the birds for myself to understand Jesus' words. The birds don't worry (as if we could tell if they do) but they do not sit around and idle. Birds are quite industrious!

I look at my life and first thing that struck me was my grades I received recently. When I thought about it, it seems reasonable to conclude that there is no valid reason to worry about my results/grades. Any worry/concern boils down to competition, self-achieving motivations, 'better' salary jobs, etc... I should be concerned about working hard during the semester. After all, the spirit of studying should be the content and understanding we receive. The grades-centered attitude can be traced back to the pragmatic and elitist education culture in Singapore.

That's all I have for now, i shall let it dwell in my mind and see what other insights i might have...

***

irrelevant point

An incident on birds came to mind. A few months ago there was this bird in Hall that built her nest on the weak, bendable tree beside my block. My friends were excited when the bird had 2 eggs and one of them hatched. Then one day a strong wind came and the nest fell to the ground and killed one of the baby birds. the other was picked up and nursed by my friends. Zi Chun interestingly commented,"Only a bird brain will build her nest on that tree." So it seems, but then coming back to the question, is this of any relation to the above on worry? It seems logical to conclude that planning is definitely good...

Time ChecK: It's 9 June!!

2009-06-09T00:49:00.003+08:00

It's been 5 weeks since exams ended... and 9 weeks until school starts...

By not going mexico, I have abundant time in my hands. No pressure to find a part-time job, no traveling plans, only 2 weeks of ICT to attend. It's obvious God had reasons for me to stay. There is no excuse of "I don't have time" now. What has been considered a precious and limited resource is now poured out abundantly in this period of my life. Yet without planning, such huge amounts of time can be easily wasted and it's horrible to realise it too late.

A third of the holidays has passed. The Lord has used the past 5 weeks to set the tone right for me.

VCF: AGM, Exco Advance, Sci Comm Retreat, FES Dinner, LPC...

Church: 30th Anniversary, SnP Leaders Retreat, PBSM, Youthbeat...

*a list of this is not meant to brag in any way but rather to take stock of what's been happening and it has impacted me and those around me.

From the consecutive 3 retreats, the Lord showed me the ministries that I would be involved in from here on. He allowed me time to appreciate the situation surrounding each ministry and to rethink the approach I had towards each one. Indeed, the ministry of VCF in halls, the ministry of VCF in Science, and the ministry of SnP in the youths are uniquely different... not in terms of doctrine (duh) but in terms of the people involved and the challenges they face.

I thoroughly enjoyed the times when I was able to pour out my prayers before God, wanting to see God working in the ministry and the lives of the people, and seeing Him glorified. The extended time to be still before God during SnP leaders retreat got me to ask a hard question, "Why after a certain period of time I got restless before God and wanted to 'get on moving' with things?" To me, I see it as a discipline for my heart that is easily distracted and unwilling to sit still. It's a growing process. I once thought I would never be able to sit hours to pray or study the word and claimed it is not my gifting. The Lord proved me wrong when He filled me with much joy and excitement each time when I'm willing to do so.

What now from here? There are many things I want to do, many things I need to do. In a unexpected way, "Night in the Museum 2" kind of reminded me to enjoy what I'm doing. so yea here's my to-do-list for what remaining of this holiday!

1) Change my room's furniture! i want to settle this early so that I have a little nice haven where I can do most of my work..

2) Study the Gospel of Matthew. This came up many times as I served over the past year. I realised I'm not really grounded in my understanding of God's word. I have been challenged to seek out a proper understanding of the Gospel as Jesus preached it to be, keeping in view the whole biblical account. I am also challenged to see how evangelism was carried out by Jesus and review how evangelism has become today. I am also doing this because in the last verse of Matthew, Jesus commanded that we make disciples, teaching them everything that He taught. I cannot disciple ppl or be a disciple myself if I do not know all that He taught.

3) Read Science & Grace. A very promising book that Grace (haha interesting pun) gave to Science Sub Comm. The authors are Scientists themselves and they lay down many good points on how we should view this Science and Religion contention and what it means to approach Science, do Science, talk Science with our biblical worldview because of who we are. More thoughts on the book once I get through a few chapters.

4) Revise Thai. I am going to take Thai 3. But my standard now is really atrocious. I need a lot of effort and time to get back on track!

5) Catch up with SnP, family and friends. Much has been compromised due to school work and ministry duties during the last semester. Hopefully I would set aside time to enjoy the relationships I share with all these impt ppl around me.

there should be more... but i learnt to keep the list short so that i can be focused... =) let's see how my progress would be in 3 weeks time... =)

my bro is POP-ing tmr!

Updates, Reflections, Moving On...

2009-06-05T11:50:00.002+08:00

Updates:

I have been busy with many things so I procrastinated in posting. Sci Comm Retreat, VCF Leadership Planning Camp, Sunday School, Much Ado about nothing, VCF 50th Anniversary dinner and yes the list goes on....

Reflections:

Mexico Trip

The struggle was greater than I expected. Even though I have already decided, my mind would sometimes wonder what it would be like if I could go for the trip. I would be leaving next Wed if I decided to go. But I knew I need to stop thinking about "What If". Because that would hinder me to see the greater things God has planned for me back here in Singapore.

Sci Retreat/LPC

Student Ministry. My understanding of these two words kept broadening ever since I entered NUS. From learning to be salt and light in the halls, now there's an emphasis on engaging what I am studying with my faith. I am challenged not to be ignorant about the content where I study merely for grades, but to examine strictly the things being taught and how as students respond to it. When people think about Science and Faith, they think of Creation and Evolution. But there are other issues and also the culture that Science has shaped the students. Maybe I would share more next time once I understand this better...

Planning the camp was rather effortless. It consisted mainly of admin details, which was not too hard to settle thanks to God's provision of capable old exco members. It was interesting for me to be taking 3 roles during the camp but strangely I did not feel stressed or did not know what I had to do. I was an outgoing exco member planning the logistic side of camp, an outgoing CGC (halls) to lead the planning and discussion for the hall leaders and an incoming Science CGL discussing the plans with the Sci subcomm for the year ahead. weird feeling.

coming together with like-minded Christians who are so passionate for the ministry was a great joy, encouragement and inspiration for me. on the second night, i took time to visit the prayer garden to pour out all my concerns, praying for the new exco, the leaders, the halls, science.. there's so much to pray for and spending that time alone with God was simply lovely..

***

I got a new phone! now i'm trying to take more photos... find them on facebook =)

Purpose of Living

2009-05-27T13:56:00.001+08:00

"So I'm not going to say to myself, if I preach Christ I'm liable to die. I'm going to say to myself, if I don't preach Christ I might as well die. You understand? In other words, I'm not going to say, I don't want to minister my gift, the cost is too high. I'm going to say, If I don't minister my gift my life has no value. Because the only reason I am here is to do what I'm gifted to do. And that's where the sense of courage and the sense of boldness begins, in understanding who I am." --- John MacArthur while preaching on 2 Tim 1:6

Interesting way to look at it.

*more blog posts will come soon....